The Bachelor Season 19, FINALE!!!

Whitney!

Becca!

ABC promises a shocking turn of events that the whole country will be talking about tomorrow.

*yawn*

They say that every time.

The host reaches a new low when he describes Becca as the virgin from San Diego, as if that's her only attribute.

Dear Women Everywhere,

Please stop signing up for this show.

The show begins with Chris' voice over about Whitney and Becca as he walks around the snow covered town of Arlington. He visits his family for some guidance.

Chris' mom says, "I would love to see him propose, but I don't think he knows what he wants."

Chris tells his family, "Just tell me which one to pick."

Okkkaaaay.

Whitney = Gosh Darn Adorable



Whitney is up first to meet the family. She wears plaid and her signature big necklace. She brings wine and flowers because she's a classy chick. "Gosh darn, am I freakin' nervous."

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 She's soooo cute. I love Whitney.

She says a lovely speech at the table about falling in love in with Chris and thanks his family for being so welcoming, and gosh darn...she made me tear up!

Stupid show...excuse me, something's in my eye.

Whitney sits down with Chris' sisters and talks about family and how she has no issues about how small Arlington is. She loves that his parents are close by and is ready to be part of the family.

Chris talk with his sisters who are now wearing "Team Whitney" T-shirts. But all he can talk about is Becca and how he's not sure why, but he really likes her.

Chris' sister sums it up best, "You're in this to find a wife, not a girlfriend."

When Whitney leaves, she tells Chris how much she loves him and his family. He kisses her back, but stays quiet.

Becca, the Enigma From San Diego

Chris is dealing with inner turmoil, folks. Whitney is a sure thing, but he can't stop mentioning Becca. She said when and if she falls in love with him, she's ready to move anywhere.

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 When or if. If.

Up next is Becca, the virgin from San Diego. Actually, Becca is listed as a Chiropractors assistant.

Becca arrives with cookies! She's wearing a denim shirt. There's another big sit down brunch with the family. They joke about how small Arlington is. The whole table is laughing.

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 Chris' sisters sit her down for the serious chat. Becca tells them if Chris picks her it will be a long distance relationship for some time before she is sure she loves him enough to move to Arlington.

Chris' sisters tell him he needs to start asking Becca tough questions. "You're not dating, you're looking for a wife."

Chris says, "How I feel is more important than anything she can tell me."

I think Chris likes Becca because she's not swoony all over him like Whitney.

Dummy. He deserves to be dumped by Becca. She'll drop his mid-west butt faster than you can say frost bite.

Becca tells his mom that she's falling in love with Chris but she's worried she'll lose him if she's not ready to move.

"You have to take risks," Chris' mom tells her. "And you're in charge of what happens with you and Chris not him, he's already there."

Becca tells the camera, "I'm not ready for a proposal."

At the kiss good-bye beside the truck, he tells her how great it was to see her and blah, blah, blah...she says nothing but kisses him back.

Whump. There it is!

Last Call

Before the last rose ceremony, Chris gets to spend more time with each girl.

He meets Becca at a swanky hotel for tough talk. Tough talk for Chris and Becca means sitting on the bed, making out and then saying stuff like, "What do you want? Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I'm so excited to be with you," she says. "I know there's challenges. I can't make any promises about when I'll feel like I'm ready to move. Maybe it's because I've never felt like this before."

Um, no, Becca. When you love someone you want to be with them, it doesn't matter where they are.

What Chris should really be asking is, "Am I enough to make you want to move to Arlingon?"

Becca says, "All I know right now, is that I want you."

But not enough to move to Arlington, right?

I'm getting a little tired of Becca playing the 'I've never been in love before' card. I think she likes being untouchable.

Chris, dummy that he is, says, "I think we'll figure it out."

Whitney arrives for her final date!

Instead of a swanky hotel, he takes her to his farm to help him harvest.

I'm pretty sure, he never would have chosen this for Becca.

I'm already hoping Whitney will sign up for the next season of The Bachelorette.

Whitney, bless her little soon to be broken heart, is so excited to be riding in his tractor. She says he looks pretty sexy.

Chris tells us he's worked so hard to build a life that he'll be able to welcome in a wife and riase a family.

Right, that's why he think Becca is perfect. 

*rolls eyes*

Whitney goes through his house and says. "I feel like I'm home."

Chris is all polite and big smiles, but superficial.

Poor Whitney. She doesn't even know what's coming.

They have a date that night at the swanky hotel. Chris tells us he's hoping for that a-ha moment. Translation: I wish Becca loved me the way Whitney does.

Whitney then asks Chris to be completely honest with her because this is their last moment to have a real talk before the rose ceremony. He asks her, "Why are you so sure about us?"

She gives him a lovely articulate answer. "The way you make me feel when we're together tells me everything I need to know. I'm ready for a life with you."

Chris responds, "I like being with you right here."

Whitney is starting to figure it out, I think. "As good as I feel about our connection, I have no control over this whole process. But I have to have faith, so I'm taking my heart out of my chest and basically placing it in his hands."

*cries for Whitney*

The Big Day

Chris and the girls prepare for the last rose ceremony...

He mumbles about not getting any clarity. He shaves, puts on his best suit and waits inside the barn for the girls to arrive.

He says, "I'm worried about making a mistake."

Dude, no one stays together. Relax.

Becca arrives in a deep red velvet gown. He welcomes her to his barn. He begins talking about how comfortable she makes him, and how he can see them having a future together.

He stole that line from Whitney!

She smiles. Then he says, "But you're not ready. You are here because I felt it and I wanted it to happen so badly...he cries...but I'm not the guy who can give you what you need."

Captain Obvious nods in agreement.

She says, "We've been so open and honest with each other. You're going to be an incredible husband and father."

For someone else.

Then he walks her out to the limo. "It's all right," she whispers.

Chris does some lower lip biting and gazing into the sunset. He's soon a mess while she's in the limo saying calmly, "If I can't fall in love with Chris, maybe I'm never going to fall in love."

Whitney arrives in her black off the shoulder floor length gown.

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She's already nodding and saying yes before he's even said anything. Whitney is shaking, "I've never been disappointed during this entire journey with you. From the very beginning I've always know. I'm so scared right now. I love you."

If he doesn't propose I'm going to beat him up.

He says everything about this moment feels right. And how they want the same things. Then he finally says, "I love you." He gets down on one knee and proposes. Whitney almost passes out.

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 Dear ABC,

Where's the shocking twist?     

In the tradition of bad TV, ABC announced that The Bachelorette will have two women and twenty five men who get to pick who will make the better wife.

*Vomits in mouth*

And guess who is signing up? Britt and Kaitlyn. Can you say therapy?

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

The Bachelor Season 19, "The Women Tell All"

Or better title, "Cat Fight"

Grab a mojito and sit back, folks. It's The Women Tell All Episode.

*cue the big earrings and stilettos*

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ABC shows all the stuff the girls said about each other, well, just the mean stuff because everyone loves CONFLICT.

Britt Vs. Carly

Britt takes a seat with the host and confronts Carly about all the back stabbing. There's crying and yelling and no one makes a point.

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Carly says through tears, "I really could have ended up with Chris if it weren't for Carly."


Kelsey Has A Message For The Girls

The host, "Why do you think the girls dislike you so much."

Kelsey, "I've been told I'm condescending and I use big words. But I just want to be accepted and liked."

Ashley I. wears her emotions on her face. Her emotions are basically, confused, pissed off, and wtf?

Unfortunately, all the girls take turns putting Kelsey down. I have to say I'm impressed with how Kelsey expressed herself against the pack.

Jillian comes to her defence. And when you've got Jillian in your corner the odds are suddenly in your favour.

The interview ends with a lot of silence and sniffling.

Kelsey ends the interview with this. "Going on the show was my opportunity to grow and find love again."

Is Ashley S. Really Crazy?

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We're going to finally learn the reason behind Ashley's unconventionally behavior.

The big secret is that she's goofy. "While everyone else is crying and fighting, I decided to pick pomegranates."

The host asks—no he begs her—to go on Bachelor Paradise...whatever that is.

Ashely only laughs. She may be cuckoo, but she's got enough brains to turn him down.


Does Kaitlyn Regret Opening Her Heart?

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Kaitlyn says, "It's nice to know that I can love, but my heart is still aching. I think about Chris everyday since I last saw him."

Chris Gets In The Hot Seat

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Britt comes up on stage and the audience drops to a hush when they hug.

Chris crushes any dreams corrects any misgivings she might have about his decision to let her go. "I didn't base my decision on what anyone told me. I went with my gut."

Kaitlyn asks him to explain why she didn't have any indication she would be leaving and if he loved her enough, why did he put her through the rose ceremony.

Chris says, "I had no idea what I was going to do at that moment. It was the best I could do."

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Jade asks point blank if it was her Playboy photos that had influenced his decision. Plus, she was upset when she read his blog and he'd called her home town date 'disturbing'.

Dear Girls,

If your ex-boyfriend starts a blog, DO NOT READ IT!!!!

Instead, get on with your life.

Love,

Aunt Bethany

Chris stumbles through his words, Jade cries, and then they laugh...a bit.

The run the blooper reel and play a teaser for the finale next week and hint at the biggest scandal YET!

Psst...they always do that.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

The Bachelor Season 19, Episode 9 "Bali, Bawling and Bikinis"

Chris takes the three final contestants to Bali, which is Mandarin for 'opposite of Arlington'

Date #1 is with Kaitlyn and some monkeys.

Kaitlyn arrives in her pink cut off shorts.

She tells the camera, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about Chris these last few days."

As opposed to what else?

Chris takes her around the local eateries introducing Kaitlyn as his girl friend.

Yup. One of three.

Then they find monkeys. Chris giggles his girly laugh. Kaitlyn snorts.

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I hit fast forward.

During the evening candle light dinner...

Kaitlyn says to Chris, "I has this guard, but I don't want it to be there. I want it to come down. It's exciting but terrifying at the same time."

Chris: "I get it."

"I'm at my best when I'm at my most vulnerable."

Chris: "You have to put yourself out there."

Then they make-out.

*cue soft guitar music*

He presents her with a key to the fantasy suite.

She says yes and he says, "I think we deserve this."

Then Kaitlyn finally tells Chris she's falling in love with him.

Chris, "Me too."

Gag.

Up next...contestant #2, Whitney.

They picnic on a boat and go for a cruise.

Whitney tells us, "I've never been so sure of anything in my life."

But before things get serious, Whitney wants to discuss her sister's reluctance to give her blessing if Chris proposes. "She's my protector. I'm worried that's a factor in how you feel about me."

He reassures her, then they go swimming. She tells him, "I can't imagine a better day and I am head over heels in love with you."

Chris moves in for a kiss.

During dinner he asks if Whitney really thinks she can give up her profession in Chicago and move to Arlington.

He says, "There's nothing to do in Arlington. I hang out at home by myself...a lot."

"I have this career, but I'm not fully happy. I want to be a wife and a mom. That will be my career and that's what I'm ready for."

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Chris grins and they make-out.

He hands her the fantasy suite card.

She's game. He's says, "I'm ready to take this to the next level."

Date #3, enter Becca!

This date will all be about Becca working up the courage to tell Chris she's a virgin.

They walk through a village and Chris is excited to check out the farms.

They visit the local shaman who tells your future. He says they make a good couple and will be good parents. He gives them the advice and states, 'making the love.'

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Chris gives the dude thumbs up, and laughs his girly laugh.

During dinner they talk about marriage.

Which is wise since...you know.

Chris is excited to learn Becca is falling in love with him. He pulls out the fantasy suite card.

*drum roll*

She accepts.

Once comfy in the private suite, she FINALLY spills the beans. Chris readies himself for another 'I posed for Playboy' revelation.

"I'm a virgin."

Chris: *Deep sigh* "I'm glad you...um. I respect that, in a lot of ways. It surprises me."

And then they make-out.

Becca leaves us with these words, "I'm 100% in. I'm excited to see what happens."

The Next Morning

Chris has a bit of an on camera mental break down. "I'm terrified about making a mistake."

Dude, don't you watch the show? No one stays together.

This continues another ten minutes. The host shows up and they talk while guitar and piano play intermittently in the background ...*yawn*

The Rose Ceremony!!!

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But before Chris can give out the flowers, he takes Becca aside to talk about their future.

Um...wouldn't you have talked about this on your date?

"I'm falling in love with you."

"And I'm falling in love with you."

Blah, blah, blah...

Chris brings Becca back to the group. Whitney gets the first rose. He next calls out...and oh my God there is like five minutes of violin music. Becca gets the last rose.

Kaitlyn asks him what happened.

"I don't even understand right now," he says. "I had no idea it would be this hard."

Kaitlyn gets in the car, does up her seatbelt and tells the camera, "That was the most humiliating moment of my life."

Dear Kaitlyn,

No worries, darling. Welcome back to the real world. You'll triumph in the end.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

The Bachelor Season 19, Episode 9 "Secrets, Lies and Video Tapes"

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Chris and Becca have a low key date. They hang out in his loft and chat it up. She tells Chris she's never been in love.

We also know she's never had naked hugs with anyone.

But she also tells Chris she feels comfortable with him and thinks he's super terrific. They look at the sunset and the clouds form hearts in the sky.

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Britt gets teary eyed in the hotel and tells the girls. "I'm packed. I told him I envisioned being his wife and having in a family with him in Iowa and he gave the rose to someone else."

Carly tells the other girls, "If she wants out, I'll take her rose right now."

Before the cocktail party Britt and Jade have agendas to get Chris alone. Britt wanted to say good-bye (break up with him before he broke up with her) and Jade needs to share that nude modeling thing.

BUT!!!! The host shows up and announces there will be no cocktail party. So it's off to the rose ceremony speedy quick.

The girls line up in their mini dresses and stilettos while Chris does his pre-amble. Britt interrupts and takes him to the next room. Once they're alone, she apologizes for what she said the other night.

I thought she was going to break up with him. 

Then she asks if he wants to ask her anything.

"Er...um. Some girls have told me that you lied about Arlington."

"Was it Carly?"

"Well, um...it doesn't matter."

Things get worse from there and Chris walks her to the door. She breaks down on the front lawn of the mansion. The other girls can hear her crying.

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Dear Britt, stick with your instincts. Should have gone with original plan.

How does Carly feels about this?

Whitney gets the first rose, then Becca, then Jade.

Carly is going home.

Karma strikes again!

Crying in the limo she tells us, "I think I deserve someone who loves me. Why doesn't anyone want me?"

Dear Carly, There's nothing wrong with you. Take this sorrow and turn it into a hit country song.

Off to Shreveport Louisianna, Becca's hometown!

This is the VERY first time Becca has brought a guy home to meet her family.

Becca has a big family. There's a lot of big hair. Becca's older sister takes Chris aside and says it's weird to see Becca holding hands with a guy (especially a guy who is kissing and holding hands with other girls...at the same time)

Chris tells the camera, "I'd love to be the guy Becca has been waiting for." Then he whisks her away to the state fair where they ride the Ferris Wheel...after hours.

Becca said, "It was like a movie scene."

Psst, Becca...that's the camera being pointed at you. It won't always be there.

Up next, Chicago and Whitney's family.

Whitney tells us, "I have no doubts."

She takes him to her workplace. "I'm passionate about my profession."

How many fertility clinics are there in Arlington?

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She tells Chris about the whole process while the technician fertilizes an egg. He says. "I make corn."

Then she gives him a specimen jar and shows him the man's room.

Psst...it's full of Playboys. *cough* Jade *cough*

However, she was just joking. Since Whitney was raised by a single mother who recently died, her family dynamics are different than Becca's. Chris will have to impress Whitney's older sister and her uncle.

Kimberly, her older sister, has a list of questions. She tells Chris that she will only give her blessing to Chris' proposal if he can tell her Kimberly is the only one, you know, not while he's considering four other girls.

Way to go, Kimberly!

Chris goes international and visits Kaitlyn in Vancouver, BC!

Actually, her family came to the States instead. Does Chris not have a passport? She takes him to a recording studio and makes him write a rap song.

*hits fast forward*

He finally meets Kaitlyn's family. There's lots of giggling and wine consumption.

Kaitlyn's mom takes her aside. "Are you sure? Are you really in love?"

"Urgh. Yup. I heart him."

After supper Kaitlyn and Chris go for a drive. She shows him a special bill board.

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Wow, she really does heart him. I hope it lasts until recess.

He says, "Things are moving forward."

Chris visits Jade in Nebraska!

Her family home is small and Jade's Dad wastes no time taking Chris aside. He gives his blessing but only if Chris is 100% sure.

Jade's brother mentions she likes living in Los Angeles and might not want to be in Arlington. "She's a wild mustang. When the time is right she'll be ready to settle down."

Chris' eyebrows come together a lot during this visit.

Jade needs to tell Chris about her modeling. They go back to Chris' hotel room. Finally, after a million blinks and 'um...ers...' she says, "There was a time in my life when I first moved to LA that I did a lot of liberating things that I would normally say no to."

Chris rubs his chin.

"I was approached to pose for Playboy...and I did."

Chris is speechless.

"I could show you the pictures...like if you wanted."

"Well, if you want...I guess."

Then she pulls out her laptop. And all of a sudden, they're looking at nude pictures of Jade. Oh, and there's a video too!

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Chris takes a drink. "I won't judge you on things you did in the past. They way I feel about you is because of the time we've spent together."

Rose Ceremony!

Who will be the three remaining contestants?

Whitney gets the first rose. Kaitlyn gets the second. And the last and third rose goes to ... Becca.

Jade is going home.

He tells her, "This has nothing to do with what you told me, things are just moving faster with the other girls."

This bothers me. She shouldn't be ashamed. Chris been making out with everyone the whole time and she's the one apologizing.

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Chris leaves us with this, "I could be making the biggest mistake of my life."

Dear Chris, I think Jade was the girl you really were in love with. No worries, three months from now you can invite her back to the ranch again after you break up with whomever you propose to.

Catch up on all of my recaps!

Episode 2 "Multiple Flings, Seeing Things, and Belly Rings"
Episode 3 "Kissing, Crying, and Costco"
Episode 4 "Princesses, Bimbos, and Psychos"
Episode 5 "Meditation, Manipulation, and Medication"
Episode 6 "Crying, Cat Fights, and Cray-Cray"
Epsiode 7&8 "Ghost Towns, Big Frowns and lots of Cows"

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

The Bachelor Season 19, Episode 6 "Crying, Cat Fights, and Cray-Cray"

Let's do this!

Kelsey survives her panic attack to the disappointment of the other girls. After the rose ceremony, Mackenzie, the dental assistant, and some other chick I don't think I've ever seen before go home.

Chris and the girls go to Deadwood South Dakota!

Kelsey is feeling the pressure of not being liked by the other girls, but she chalks that up to their insecurity surrounding her use of big words around them. "I'm blessed with eloquence."

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Chris and Becca go on the only solo date this episode. They horseback ride, shoot cans in the woods and roast kabobs on a fire. It's awesome good fun. She gets the rose!

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For the group date, Chris has the girls write a love song for him to perform in front of an audience. Carly has this nailed since she's a professional singer.

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Britt wins the contest and gets the rose. The other girls cry in the bathroom.

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Ashley and Kelsey get picked to go on the two on one date with Chris for a picnic in the Bad Lands.

"I can't wait to kick some Kelsey butt," Ashley laughs at the camera.

What does Kelsey think?

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After a helicopter ride to the Bad Lands. Awkward silence and drinking ensues. Kelsey says, "The Bachelor is about putting logic and love together."

Um...no.

After Ashley tells Chris that the house believes that Kelsey is a total faker he brings it up to Kelsey. She's quite calm until she confronts Ashley with her dagger eyeball stare.

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She tells the camera, "The difference between me and Ashely is that we're not the same."

Well, yeah, that's what being different means.

Ashely can't handle the pressure, she runs away and cries to Chris. Then she runs away from him, then she runs back. He tells her he can't give her the lifestyle she wants. Then she runs away and has a nervous breakdown in the Bad Lands.

Kelsey smiles in the distance. But then Chris arrives at their picnic tent and dumps her off the show as well.

BAM!! No rose for anyone!

When the remaining girls at the hotel find out, they celebrate with champagne.

Since the math works out, there is no rose ceremony, but ABC is promising much more crying the next episode.

Still need more Bachelor?

Episode 2 "Multiple Flings, Seeing Things, and Belly Rings"
Episode 3 "Kissing, Crying, and Costco"
Episode 4 "Princesses, Bimbos, and Psychos"
Episode 5 "Meditation, Manipulation, and Medication"

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

The Bachelor, Season 19, Episode 5 "Meditation, Manipulation and Medication"

Chris has brought the girls to Sante Fe, New Mexico!

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Meghan says, "I've never been to Mexico I hear it's like a big beach resort. Definitely a culture shock with the all the big sombreros they wear."


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Meghan. Blonde and dangerously unaware.

Chris says the dreaded phrase, "I'm really excited to take these girls to the next level."

All of the girls tell us they are definitely falling for Chris.

Of course you are, he's the only guy left on earth.

Carly gets picked for the solo date. The clue says, "Let's come together."

I hope that's not literal.

He takes her to big empty mansion. In the backyard they find a woman meditating. She's a guru that enhances intimacy in couples.



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She's actually praying the show gets cancelled.

She covers them in incense smoke, they chant, then try yoga poses. But they don't call her the love guru for nothin'. She has Carly blindfold Chris and then she encourages her to 'explore' Chris's body.

Things get messy when she feeds him chocolate dipped fruit.

And then the guru asks them to disrobe as a way to reveal their true selves.

AWKWARD! Um...what was wrong with mini golf?  

Thankfully, the underwear stays on. Then they hold each other, but they're not allowed to kiss. They share the same breaths.

At this point I hit the fast forward.



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Carly. Like...like...

They end up having a dinner of drinks by the fire place. Carly takes this time to let Chris know that her last boyfriend didn't like making out with her. She says 'like' a million times. Chris finishes a few drinks.

"I want a man to like find me physically, like, how he wants, like, to be like whatever his perfect image of what like beauty is."

Chris says, "You're cool and smart. That's why you've made it this far."

Time for the Group Date!

White water rafting on the Rio Grande!

Kelsey "guidance counsellor" tells the girls her husband collapsed and died of congestive heart failure.

Ashley says, "I don't understand her."

Meghan has concerns about alligators in the water.

Rightly so, as everyone knows Mexico is full of alligators.

Jade was the only one who fell out of the raft. However, after Chris massages her foot for awhile the other girls wish they'd thought of jumping in too. After all that fun it's time for dinner aka drinks.

Just when things were getting boring, guess who shows up?

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Jordan! My favourite contestant who was sent home a few episodes ago. She's sober which is a good thing, since she's driven all the way from Colorado! She doesn't explain why she was drunk the whole time, but she told him something brought her back.

Yeah, the rental car.

Meanwhile, the other girls are waiting for their supper/booze fest to begin with Chris. And when he comes around the corner with Jordan on his arm, all jaws fall on the floor.

He invites her to join the group date for the evening.

Ashley uses her time alone with Chris to dump all over Jordan.

Hey, don't you know this contest is all about who Chris wants to make out with? If you want the rose you need to make out, not talk!

Then the girls start arguing with each other over. Ashely says to Whitney, "How can you be nice to Jordan? Don't you care about Chris?"

After Chris realizes all the girls are too upset about Jordan to make out with him, he takes her aside to address this issue like a man.

"I think the right decision as a man is to not let this go any further...I can't let this...you know?"

Jordan hugs him and cries to the camera.

Dear Jordan,

You're only twenty. It would be crazy to marry this dude and move to a farm.

After Chris sends Jordan home he asks the girls if anyone needs a hug.

He gives the rose to 'the girl who makes him feel special and is here for the right reasons.' Whitney, the fertility nurse!

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Ashley says, "I look at her and I think, I don't need to worry about that."

Mackenzie says, "I think you just don't like her."

Whump! There it is.

After Chris surprises the girls with an early morning wake up call in person, he whisks Britt away from their solo date.

Good thing she sleeps in her make-up!

They're going hot air ballooning over the Rio Grande Gorge.

Psst...Britt is terrified of heights. TERRIFIED!

He says, "It's pretty cute to see how excited she is."

The scenery takes their breath away, and then they make out.

She says, "I feel like Chris is my boyfriend."

...who makes out with other girls.

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He takes her back to his room where they bounce on the bed, make out and talk about having one hundred kids. He gives her the date rose, but the date isn't over. They snuggle under the covers.

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When she gets back to the hotel room with the other girls she says, "It was great. We had room service and then we took a nap."

Hmm...I wonder what Kelsey thinks about this?

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Kelsey pays Chris a visit and tells him she's a widow.

Then she tells the camera. "Isn't my story amazing! It's so tragic. I love my story!"

Holy crap! Is she making this up? If this chick is this crazy, I definitely want her sticking around.

It's time for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party! 

Oh, you can cut the tension with a knife.

Whitney tells the camera. "There's something off about Kelsey...I can't pin point it."

Chris arrives and fumbles through a speech...at least I think it was a speech...he leaves (like a man) takes a walk (like a man)...talks with the host.

He says, "This was harder than I thought it would be. I feel like the decisions I have to make are life changing decisions."

Dude. Don't you watch the show? No one stays together.

Kelsey sets everyone straight. "He respects us so much that he doesn't want to waste our time."

Chris decides to forego the cocktail party and instead skip right to the rose ceremony.

What? No cocktail party!!! Oh, the humanity.

Ashley says, "Her story is so much more traumatizing than...you know...me. And now I'm going home."

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Kelsey gets up and leaves, worried that she's touched his heart so much. Seconds later, she's on the floor having a panic attack while passer-bys call 911.

FAKER!!!

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Quizzes by Quibblo.com

The Bachelor, Season 19, Episode 4 "Princesses, Bimbos, and Psychos"

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Like the mythological weavers of fate, Chris's three sisters will be deciding which girl will be going on a very special one on one date.

What a twist! Actually, no one who ever cared about their family members would sign them up for this sh*t show.

Group Date Time!

Chris takes the girls to a lake.

*Cue the bikini shots*

Ashley I. says, "I need to find a way to break out of my shyness." Then she strips off her bikini top.

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Not to be outdone, Kaitlyn, the dance instructor from Canada takes off her bottoms.



Kelsey
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Kelsey "Guidance Counsellor" says, "This is a date for bimbos."

Doll, the whole show is for bimbos.

Chris tells the girls "I love being with the girls in their bikinis."

And guess what? They're staying the night.

The thought of camping gives Kelsey cramps. "This is a hole," she says. "I don't want to be here."

Chris BBQ's supper for the girls. He says he wants things to get started.

Translation, "I'm ready to make out with y'all."

Once the tequila is opened, Ashley S. begins to sing around the camp fire to music only she can hear. Mackenzie starts to ask the other girls if they believe in aliens.

What?

Ashley I. puts on more make up and finds Chris. She says, "I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth is dumb." And then they make out.

Chris gives the date rose to Kaitlyn.

She tells the camera, "This is great. And I'm drunk."

Ashley I. decides Chris needs to know that she's a virgin. She slips into his tent and says, "I'm friggin' innocent. I just want to make sure you got that vibe."

Chris mumbles a few things and is still clues about her virginity.

She gives us the best quote of the night, "He can probe at that area later on if he likes."

Sister Act

Meanwhile, Chris's sisters arrive unannounced at the house.

Carly
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Carly says to one sister, "Oh wow! What are you doing in Ireland."

"I live there."

Carly: "Wow. You live there!"

Jillian gets woken up by the pool. She enters with drool on her face in her tiny bikini.

All three sisters interview each girl.

Whitney, the fertility nurse did the best...in my opinion. Carly cries as she talks about past bad loves.

The weirdest quote of the night is from Carly, "I want Chris to be like my Grandpa."

Mostly I think the sisters want to weed out the crazy girls. Unfortunately anyone who signs up for this is crazy.

Jade
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Jade "Makeup Manufacturer" gets picked by Chris's sisters and it sounds like a Cinderella makeover date complete with ball gown and diamonds.

When Ashley I. gets back to the house and finds out that Jade is going on the solo date is totally pissed because she IS THE PRINCESS!!!!

Three designer freaks arrive and take Jade into a princess makeover room.

Ashley I. cries at the unfairness of it all.



Ashley I
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Chris waits for Jade to arrive. When she shows up, he's like, "Who is that?"

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They talk over wine. And bond over their small town upbringing. She gets the rose and they dance while watching a clip of the new Cinderella movie.

Back at the house Ashley I. puts on her own princess dress and struts around eating corn on the cob.

That's a very unprincess thing to do, Ashley.

Dirty Dancing

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For the next group date all the girls have to wear wedding dresses. Jillian feels completely out of her element. They go on a private jet, drink champagne and end up at 'muck fest'. It's an obstacle course through mud. Jillian starts to smile.

The winner gets a one on one date with Chris. To be a good sport, he does the race too.

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Jillian wins by a huge amount of time. She and Chris talk about family on their date and their five year plan. Jillian really has no plans, other than to hit the gym. Then she talks about weight lifting. And talks, and talks...and talks. Drops a few f bombs. Drinks more. Talks more.

Jillian
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Chris gives us the third quote of the episode. He says, "As her words drift over my head I start to think about unicorns and fairies. It's quite nice."

She does NOT get the date rose!

*cue the sad piano music*

It's time for the cocktail party!

A few of the girls are obviously worried.

Megan blindfolds Chris and feeds him chocolate dipped fruit. He has to use his three senses. She can't name all five senses.

Ashley I. tells everyone AGAIN that she's a virgin. She takes Chris aside and quizzes him about their 'tent conversation'.

He's like, "Um...it was intriguing."

Translation. "I have no idea what the hell you were saying."

Then she tells him. "Yeah, I'm a virgin."

Translation. "Want to rub my belly ring and make another wish?"

Then she starts to cry to the camera because he didn't kiss her.

Becca
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Then Becca says, "Oh yeah, well I'm a virgin too. It's just a choice I made."

When Britt gets Chris alone she tells him she's concerned because he's making out with other girls and she's confused as to what he wants in a wife.

Chris says, "Uh...I...um....I'm glad we had this conversation. I'm going to handle this like a man."

Yup. By walking out of the room.

It's time for the rose ceremony...and tears!

Whitney gets the first rose. Followed by Carly and Megan. Britt gets the last rose.

Oh no! Ashley S. is going home. So is Juelia.

Juelia
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Juelia says, "I just want someone to share my precious baby with."

Dear Juelia, go share your love with your precious baby.


Who was tonight's MVP?

#1. Kaitlyn

#2. Kelsey

#3. Britt

Leave your vote in the comment section.

Check out my other recaps here!