Once Upon A Time, Season 5, The Best and Worst Moments...

Man, what a season!

We started with Emma turning into the Dark One as she got sucked into Camelot. Then the season ended with Emma escaping the Underworld and Regina splicing herself into good and evil.

But so much more happened, didn't it? Don't even try to explain the plot in a linear fashion because the storyline is like wet noodles all tangled up. Instead, let's entertain ourselves with memories of characters who change motivations on a dime to create the wackiness that we've come to love and hate from this show.

Top 5 Best Moments of Once Upon A Time Season 5

#5. From episode 15, when Mr. Gold straight up tells Belle she'll have to take the good and the evil because he's the man and the beast and that's why he's totes awesome. When Gaston confronts him on the street and tries to kill him, Mr. Gold catches the arrow, cool and easy, like the King of swag that he is.

#4. When Emma stabbed Hook in Episode 11, sending him to the Underworld. Yes, I was all for that. He wanted her to do that but let's not forget that he's the one who gathered all the Dark Ones to send her entire family to Hell. 

#3. In the season premiere episode, while Hook tries to blackmail Zelena into helping him save Emma, she cuts off her own hand, removes her magic blocking bracelet and escapes. That chick is awesome.

#2. In Episode 13 when teenage Snow White got to make out with Hercules!!!

#1. Although it had no significant impact on the major plot, this moment from episode 18 was a ground breaker. In order to wake Dorothy from the sleeping curse, Ruby had to realize that she was in love with her, and not just in a best friend's kind of way. Go ABC!!!! Poor Mulan though, alone again.

Bonus:

In episode 19, When Regina and Zelena forgave each other and their mother and sent her off to ascend to heaven.

And you can't have a best moments list without a worst moments list...


Top 5 Worst Moments of Once Upon A Time Season 5


#5. From episode 10, this dreamcatcher mind suck so everyone could get their memories back. Man, it still makes me laugh.

#4. During episode 9 when we were subjected to Merinda's family and those ridiculous wigs.

#3. This truck versus horse jousting scene from Episode 3 that should have resulted in Arthurs' death. More ridiculous than the wigs above.

#2. A ten minute bike ride between Zelena and Hades from Episode 16 results in true love.

#1. From Episode 20, when Emma performed a heart transplant on Hook so he could leave the Underworld, except it didn't work because she forgot he's a ghost while his real body is decaying back in Storybrooke cemetary. Then he got all emo and sulked about how she never should have come to rescue him. Grow up, dude.

Bonus:

In episode 15 When Hook's brother ascended to heaven with the boat load of all the guys he killed. Yeah, #awkward.

What are some of your favourite and  not so favourite bits from this season?

Once Upon A Time Season 5 Episode 10 "Broken Heart"

Or better title "Hook Becomes A Total Arse"

Let's clear the air, when Hook didn't know he was the Dark One he had zero issues with good and evil, however, since Emma spilled the beans about making him immortal so he wouldn't die, he's gone completely cruel and totally jerk face boyfriend.

Plus, he's the one who cast the 'oh my god, not again' purple curse to get everyone back to Storybrooke, murdering Hot Merlin in the process.

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Why does this show keep killing off the hot guys?

Hey, I get it, Once has a plot like a wad of hangers all tangled up at the back of the closet, but why would they make it so easy for Hook to go bad...and really bad. He has one line in this episode that made me cringe while holding back vomit—we'll get to that.

Meanwhile, Emma, despite doing magic so dark she brought two men back from the dead, has it together enough to patiently sit through her parents trying to understand why she saved Hook if it meant making him immortal.

Now that Hook is evil his first matter of business is to race over to the pawn shop and challenge Mr. Gold to a duel to the death to finally exact his revenge. Because instead of killing him on the spot, it makes more sense to orchestrate a fight for later.

When Mr. Gold finds Emma and lets her know of Hook's somewhat pathetic revenge plan, David rushes into the room announcing that all the dreamcatchers Emma hid in the shed have been stolen. Not only that, but Belle suddenly remembers there's a set of books called the Dark Chronicles in the library that no one has thought to look at, even though Storybrooke has had two Dark Ones in the last few months.

This makes no sense. That's okay, we all gave up on this show making sense. In fact, I watch it for the senselessness of it all.

Hey, where is Lily the dragon by the way?

Meanwhile back in Fairy Tale Land, a freshly resurrected Hook reunites with Emma, who is no longer wearing her white velour robe, but now the black leather Dark One ensemble we know so well. But Hook is distracted by visions of Rumplestiltskin urging him not to trust Emma.

Back in Storybrooke, Merida was left to guard Emma while Mary Margaret and David leave to save the day (as if). Hook shows up and makes it clear he's not so into Emma anymore. He makes fun of her hair, calls her an orphan and also an anchor.

Why?

Because he's a Dark One and he hates that she did this to him. Confusingly enough he also loves being a Dark One. Again, I'm dumbfounded by Hook's sudden transition into jerk-wadness based solely on becoming a Dark One.

In other news, Zelana shows up at the hospital to claim her baby where it's the same nurse who also works the psych ward and the long haired dude who is always mopping the floors. Anyway, Regina is there and tells her that even though "Baby Hood" is now with Robin, she'll let Zelena see the baby since people with legitimate abandonment issues should get snuggle therapy.

Zelena was like, "I gave birth two hours ago, don't mock me."

Meanwhile, after her fragile ego was crushed by Hook, Emma manages to track down Henry and after a heartfelt talk, he forgives her for (whatever) and takes the No Magic cuff off her wrist. They decide to go find the dreamcatchers since no one else in town is doing anything except reading books upside down at the abandoned library.

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Back in Fairy Tale Land Hook is still lamenting to Emma about how she should have let him die (yeah, I'm starting to wonder that myself) he would have much preferred to die.

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Emma is all "I am so so sorry I have control over you. But I'll never try to control you ever again. Here, take the sword. It's yours. This is how much I love and trust you. And don't forget I'm so so sorry. Can we make out now?"

Hook is all for that, but it was only a trick so they would go back to Granny's and kill Hot Merlin and cast the purple curse!

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On a personal note, I cannot believe Hot Merlin was killed off instead of bumbling Merida or useless King Arthur.

Back in Storybrooke, Mr. Gold arrives at the Jolly Roger for the above mentioned duel. Hook reminds us all this moment is strictly for the revenge of Milah, his true love and also Rumple's wife. By some miracle Mr. Gold defeats Hook. Perhaps he became all riled up when Hook referred to Milah as 'soiled'.

*cringe, barf*

Seriously? Soiled? I understand we're doing a lot of time travel each episode but this was straight out of the dark ages. Gross, OUAT.

He could have said, "...your wife would have returned to you, still in love with me and my love making skills." Or maybe "She'd go back to you, but the smile would be from memories of our nights together." Anything. ANYTHING other than, 'soiled.'

*shudders*

Light on his feet, Mr. Gold quickly goes to the well where he arranged to meet Belle if Hook didn't turn him into a kabob. He told her earlier, "I have a pure heart to offer you now. Please, give me a second chance." If she was there, it meant she was ready to love him again.

She's there!

Hooray!

Oh-uh. But then she tells him, "I have to take care of my own heart." And she leaves him broken hearted in the forest.

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Whhhat? This is more confusing than the evil Hook storyline. Now that he's the man she always wanted him to be, she's walking away?

Across town, Emma and Henry arrive with the dreamcatchers they found in the clock tower and gives them to her family, choosing to trust them. Even though she is the Dark One she makes positive choices in regards to her loved ones happiness—which Hook is incapable of.
Then we're treated to this scene. Brain sucking dream catchers.



















Emma is like, "Oh crap. I remember what Hook is planning now! He's going to open a portal to hell!"

A portal to hell?! At last.

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The camera's whisk to the lake where Hook and the Rumplestiltskin hallucination wait for the arrival of a boatload of Dark Ones. Nimue (Merlin's true love) is both the original Dark One and the ferryman to hell. She's brought all the Dark Ones back "in the flesh" to snuff out the Light.

Vague much?

Even though Hook seems to be slipping further into TAT, total asshole territory, a battle of Dark Ones against Emma, Mr. Gold, Regina and perhaps Zelena seems promising. And hopfully, Hot Merlin will be resurrected somehow.


Who was the MVP?

#1. Baby Hood

#2. Hot Merlin's heart

#3. The dude mopping the hospital floor

Once Upon A Time Season 5, Episode 5 "Dreamcatcher"

Or better title "Battle of the Moms"

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True Love's Lost Tear

Through a magical dreamcatcher, Emma watches a young hunky Merlin combat a gold masked dark one. He says, "You killed my true love."

I take it this Dark One is the woman he used to love since #1, he had the dagger and #2, she was wearing a killer valor cape and bedazzled gold mask.

The lady Dark One caught his tear with the tip of the dagger and turned him into a tree.

WHUMP!

How did Emma get this dreamcatcher? Did I miss something?

Further into the forest, Regina is about to hand over the real dagger to the 'charmed' Charmings, but Emma arrives and freezes her parents, telling Regina that they are under King Arthur's control.

She then mentions hot Merlin, his tear of lost true love, and if King Arthur manages to kill Merlin then Emma will stay dark forever.

That is some dreamcatcher.


Party-Time!

Meanwhile in present time in Storybrooke the refugees from Camelot are complaining about the rough conditions like running water, flushing toilets and electricity. Queen Guinevere is desperate to pick up the morale.

Henry pipes up, "Hey, lets throw a dance party!"

Hook and David waste no time in snickering about Henry's new crush, Violet.

Um...okay, they're only 13 or something. Maybe step the frig off the perv wagon try and figure out why the prisoner completely vanished into thin air, and maybe think of a way to help Emma get rid of the dark magic.

Speaking of the Dark One, Emma has Mr. Gold holed up in her basement. He tries to convince her that dark magic isn't worth the price, but whatever, it worked for him, right?

Merida is then assigned to make him brave and the two disappear in a plume of purple smoke.


Good Knight

Back in time, we see Henry spend more time with Violet and her favourite horse, Nicotine...no wait, Nicolodeon. But Violet's dad is like, "Listen 'boy from away', you'll never be a knight and I will only allow Violet to date knights in training."

What is it with all the dudes on this show trying to marry off all the children!

In need of advice Henry finds his Moms, getting ready for their Christmas catalogue shoot. Wrapped in the velveteen capes in a magical forest they tell Henry he's already a brave hero and that he should just be his cute genuine self.

Awwww!

All this awesome parenting reminds Regina of her own twisted mother and she suddenly gets an idea of where they can find a tear of lost love. Using the magical dreamcatcher, she watches her memory of her mother ripping out Daniel's heart.

It ripped out my heart too because we've seen how far Regina has come as a character. Unlike some others in this show. *cough* Granny *cough*

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In Storybrooke, Henry discovers Violet is too upset to go to the morale boosting dance because her favourite horse, Nick Nolte, is missing. Henry's like, "No, problem. I know powerful people." He finds Emma and before you can say 'Operation Cobra' they hop in the yellow bug.

Hey, maybe she can pull off this Dark One thing...

Sad Times

Under the Merlin tree, Emma and Regina brew up a potion, the last ingredient was Regina's tear. But guess what? It didn't work!

Emma says, "Oh crap, it's because you've moved on. You're in love with Robin now so your sorrow is kind of weak and meaningless. We need real loss."

In other news, deep in the forest Mr. Gold is getting his 'brave' training by Merida, who basically terrorizes him. IDK, this whole scene was ridiculous. She berates him for having a limp and zero sword skills.

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But things are worse for Henry. Despite him giving her fizzy Pepsi and warmed up lasagna from Granny's freezer, she drops the f-word. "Let's only be friends."

Why? Because they're only thirteen that's why!!!

With his heart freshly broken, Henry finds Regina and Emma and babbles about how much love hurts. They pat his back and quickly snag his tears of lost love before he gets his confidence back. With the last ingredient...

WHAMO!  KA-BLAMO!

Emma is surrounded by giant streams of light and suddenly Merlin is free! She takes him to her parents where he easily undoes the 'fix-it' enchantment put on them by Queen Guinevere.

David is like, "Whoa, awesome. Can you fix Emma?"

He says, "No problem...if she wants me to."

Emma gets busy staring at the floor.

I smell issues.

A Mother's Love

In Storybrooke, Emma and Henry find Violet's horse, Nickolas. With Violet's dad's approval, she and Henry have a grand time at the fair/dance/harvest festival or whatever they managed to whip up in Main Street in less than two hours.

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Across town Hook, Regina, David and Belle break into Emma's house hoping to find Mr. Gold, instead they found the Excalibur buried in fake rock. With no other clues to go on, Belle realizes the Excalibur and the Dark One's dagger must be from the same blade.

Why? Because she's the bookish one, that's why.

While they're rushing out before Emma catches them, Hook finds the dreamcatcher. He and Regina watch as Violet's memory is replayed. OMG!!! They discover Emma ripped her heart out to control her and make her break up with Henry.

Ouch! That's harsh, Emma.

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Regina also figures out that Emma has captured everyone's memories in the dreamcatchers.

Ew...don't look at Grumpy's.

Anyway, Emma and Regina have an awesome confrontation about Henry who is now so upset with Emma he's locked himself in his room.

Who was this episode's MVP?

#1. Violet's horse, Nitrogen

#2. Emma's new lipstick

#3. Henry's tear