Once Upon A Time, Season 4, Episode 4 "The Apprentice"

Or better title "Hands Off!" 

Crying real pirate tears because this episode gave him cramps.
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A long time ago...

A withered sorcerer's apprentice guards a dish of caviar—sorry, its a golden box that looks like a dish of caviar. Anyway, a cloaked figure brandishing the dagger of the dark one tries to steal the box, but a powerful spell makes it impossible to retrieve.

The apprentice says, "Every dark one has tried to steal this box, but none have ever succeeded."

Flash forward to present day. Mr. Gold studies the exact same box. He uses the dagger to open the box to reveal...the sorting hat from Harry Potter.

Big deal, he did that last episode.

Henry encourages Emma to hang out with Hook so she asks him out on a date. You know, like most teenage boys who find their adoptive mother after reading a magic storybook.

Hook's totally into the idea. He gives Emma a smouldering grin and tells her to leave the planning up to him.

Maybe a BBQ? That way he can use his hook as a kabob.


Faster than you can say, give me five, Hook runs over to Mr. Gold's shop and blackmails him into giving him his hand back—Mr. Gold has had kept it in a jar all these years.

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Gross.

Ignoring Mr. Gold's warning that his old hand may turn him into the unscrupulous pirate he used to be, Hook insists he's a changed man.

Emma puts on a pink dress and wears her hair up in a ponytail for her date with Hook. He arrives in a short leather jacket and jeans.

Summer Lovin'
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Oh my God! It's Sandy and Danny from Grease.

Back in the enchanted forest, Anna makes her way into Rumpelstiltskin's castle. He tells Anna her parents paid him a visit asking for help. She's intrigued and agrees to do anything to learn the truth.

He twirls and giggles, then gives her a small glass bottle. Anna is to visit an old man at the base of the mountain and slip the potion into his tea. When Anna visits the man, it's the apprentice. But instead of pouring the potion in the tea, she throws it in the fire.

Danny and Sandy go to a restaurant, and here's the shocking part—it's not Granny's pub/diner/laundromat. Emma tries to bring up the problem of the missing Snow Queen, but Hook is intent on keeping things romantic.

The thief from the ice cream shop is there (yes, I just wrote that). He sees Emma and freaks out because she's the Sheriff and he needs to keep a low profile. He does this by walking directly to her table, and bumping into a waiter who then spills all the things but none of it stains her dress.

Hook viciously grabs the dude. The guy runs off, but Hook looks at his evil hand worried that Mr. Gold was right.

Bad hand. Bad, bad hand.

Henry and Regina go through her magical supplies trying to think of a potion to help Marion (the wife of her boyfriend, Robin). Henry tells her she should be happy that Robin's kiss didn't work because that proves he doesn't love Marion.

Wow. Henry is way too concerned with his mothers' love lives.

Where is Dr. Hopper? I think I need therapy.

Hook and Emma share a good night kiss, but the bad hand keeps distracting Hook.

There are so many inappropriate jokes going through my mind right now.

While Emma convinces her parents she's not pregnant yet, Hook roams the dark streets. He finds the thief trying to break into the library. Hook starts to beat him up—yes, that's right, with his BAD hand.

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Anna returns to Rumpelstiltskin's castle with the empty vial and lies that she gave the potion. He tricks her into thinking she withheld an antidote, making her responsible for the apprentice sudden transforming into a mouse.

Anna cries when he convinces her she'll never see her sister again. He pushes her to the brink, but she refuses to stab him. He takes his dagger and captures her tears—the only thing that will let him gain access to the gold box (the tears of someone who faced their inner darkness and turned away.)

Blah, blah, blah. Who cares? What's Hook's bad hand up to?

Hook goes to Mr. Gold and asks to have his Hook back. Mr. Gold tells him he's already switched the real dagger so if Hook wants to make a deal, he'll have to pay with a favour.

Emma's car slips on a patch of ice. She sees the Snow Queen and chases her on foot, but tracking a woman in a long white sparking dress in the middle of a maritime town is super hard. Emma loses her after two seconds.

Belle calls Emma and tells her someone has broken into the library and he's passed out drunk with a copy of Alice In Wonderland.

Dear ABC,

I see what you're doing. I won't start watching another fairy tale show.

Mr. Gold finds Hook and asks him to follow a magic broom which will lead him to an old friend.

With the power of Anna's tears, Rumpelstiltskin gets the gold box. He then tells Anna her parents came to him asking for help with Elsa's powers. The gold box contains a magic hat that has the power to absorb magic, making it more powerful than his own abilities.

But Anna has made friends with the mouse/apprentice. It jumps from the rafters and bites Rumpelstiltskin's hand. He drops the dagger and Anna picks it up. She soon realizes that as long as she holds the dagger, she has power over him. She takes the gold box and orders Rumpelstiltskin to send her back home.

The magic broom leads Hook and Mr. Gold to the house of Mickey Mouse the apprentice, who is no longer a mouse. Hook holds the elderly man in the chair while Mr. Gold opens the gold box, making the hat appear. The apprentice is sucked into the hat, thereby giving it more power.

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Anna returns home to Kristoff's arms, but the reunion turns sad when Anna tells him that her parents left on the ship because they were afraid of Elsa's power.

Mr. Gold gives Hook back his well...his hook. They have this looooong conversation about who is the worst and who can blackmail whom. It turns out Mr. Gold video taped Hook helping him dispose of the old man, and even though he STILL has the real dagger, Hook is now being blackmailed by Mr. Gold.

And by the way, the hand wasn't evil, it was just Mr. Gold messing with Hook's head.

I need a drink.

Emma and David learn the Snow Queen didn't come to Storybrooke because of the curse. So how did she get there? And what does she want with Emma? And why does it matter that the thief was making out and partying with a book in the library?

Henry tries to convince Regina that they can't give up on operation Mongoose. He reasons Mr. Gold knows who wrote the Storybook. He goes to the pawn shop and asks to help out as an after school job, but *wink wink* he's really working undercover.

Sweet. This show is always better with Regina.

Check out my other Once Upon A Time Recaps here!

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, FINALE! "Snow Drifts; There's No Place Like Home"

 

Or better title "Oops"



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Henry presents Emma with the classified ads for apartments. She looks uncomfortable since she's planning on going back to New York. David and Mary Margaret are elusive about naming their baby.

Robina enjoy some smoochie time. Now that she has her heart back, it's all good times for Regina. They talk about their previous lost loves and are super glad they've found each other. Robin Hood says after his wife, Marion died, he thought he'd never be happy again.

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Regina spills the beans about Tinkerbell and his secret tattoo.

He says, “Maybe things only work out when they're supposed to, maybe it's all about timing.”

Ain't love grand.

Mr. Gold hides the dagger in his shop.

Sure, no one will look for it there.

Belle arrives shaky and nervous asking Mr. Gold to take the fake dagger back because she feels it's too powerful. He tells her never mind, it's safer with you...or something like that. Then they talk about their wedding and kiss.

Gag.

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Henry reads through the story book reminding all of us how Snow White and Charming met and fell in love—even though he was engaged to King Midas' daughter. Suddenly, Hook says one word and everyone is looking at Emma worried that she's going back to New York.

That was fast.

Henry looks out the window and sees the time travel vortex racing up into the sky.

New York forgotten.

Regina stares at Mr. Gold and knows he's behind this magic. They all run to the cell to check on Zalena because no one thought to stay with her. It's empty! David rewinds the security tapes in the Sheriff's office and they see Zalena curse herself and turn to dust.

How did Mr. Gold do that?

Hook and Emma argue in the forest about her staying in Storybrook. Emma says she doesn't feel like the fairy tales are real and nothing has ever felt like home for her. “Home is the place that you miss when you leave it.”

Hook pulls a sad face. Then they notice the time travel cyclone. They race to the barn. Emma falls to the edge. Hook tries to save her, but the pull is too strong. They both go in and end up back in the enchanted forest.

But when?

Emma sees a wanted poster for Show White.

Oops.

Emma still has the story book. She figures that whatever you were thinking of when you enter the portal is the place or time you're sent.

How did she know this?

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Emma comes up with the idea to pay a visit to Rumpelstiltskin. The Queen's guards fly past. Emma and Hook watch from behind the trees as the Evil Queen harasses a group of villagers; including Marco and Pinocchio. Emma wants to rush out and help a particular young woman who is being arrested, but Hook tells her she must not meddle with the past.

Hook takes her away and they steal some peasant garb for Emma. Garb that includes a low cut dress and cleavage.

Of course. It's fairy tale land. There's always cleavage in fairy tale land.

Prince Charming and Catherine journey by coach. Snow White prepares a fallen log to ambush the coach—just like the first time in Season One.

In fact it's some of the same footage.

Emma and Hook are once again watching from the sidelines. When Prince Charming gets out to investigate, Emma realizes she's about to witness her parents meeting for the first time. She spies Snow White up in a tree ready to ambush the guards.

But Emma puts her hand on a stick and ruins the whole thing. Distracted, Snow White falls from the tree, and Prince Charming gets back into the coach and keeps travelling with Catherine.

Oops.

Snow White meets Blackbeard in a tavern and asks him to help her escape.

Emma and Hook approach Rumpelstiltskin's castle. He appears and starts to kill Hook. Emma intervenes and tells him she's from the future and proves it by saying she's the Savior who broke the curse he created to find his son.

*Takes deep breath*

He's convinced. They journey back to his castle where it's obvious Rumpelstiltskin and Hook have a past. Belle puts in an appearance before she whisks away to the library.

Lucky.

Emma uses the story book to convince Rumpelstiltskin he has to help her get Snow White and Prince Charming back together, but the pages are all blank.

Oops.

No problem, Rumpelstiltskin says there's a ball at King Midas' palace. All Emma and Hook have to do is convince Snow White she doesn't have to escape with Blackbeard, but instead go to the ball to meet her true love.

Emma and Hook find the original Hook at a tavern playing poker. Emma has to keep the first Hook occupied while the other Hook finds Snow White and convinces her to go to the ball.

Emma pretends to get drunk with Hook #1 while Hook #2 makes a deal with Snow White on the Jolly Roger; if she steals the wedding ring at the ball he won't turn her in for ransom (holds up wanted poster) plus he'll give her safe passage to wherever she wants to go. Snow White buys it.

Hook #2 takes Emma to the Jolly Roger as Snow White passes them unaware. Emma plays cat and mouse with Hook #2 and Hook #1 eventually knocks himself out in order for Emma to escape his clutches.

Rumpelstiltskin magics an invitation for Emma and Hook to go to the ball.

Instant makeover.

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Emma introduces them as Prince Charles and Princess Leia. He tells her she's a natural princess.

And natural princesses don't go to New York.

Hook teaches Emma how to waltz in another portion of the show I like to call, “Flirting time with Hook and Emma.”

Outside, Snow White uses a grappling hook to scale the walls.

Prince Charming and Catherine have no chemistry. She asks him to fetch her more comfortable shoes. The Evil Queen arrives 'cause she loves a good party.

Snow White ransacks Prince Charming's room and finds the ring. She's interrupted by Prince Charming. They scuffle. Snow White hits him and barely escapes, except she drops the ring.

Oops.

He hangs out the window vowing to find her, but not in a 'I totally dig you and must know who you are so we can get married and make babies' kind of way.

Emma finds the ring and picks it up. Hook tells her to run after Snow White while he holds off the Queen's guards. One of the Queen's guards shows up and tires to shoot an arrow at the thief. Emma pushes him down, allowing her mother to live another day.

Emma runs back through the palace, but the Evil Queen and her guards stop her. Emma is dragged off as a prisoner with Prince Charming's ring in her grip.

Emma and Neal share a coffee while he breaks into an amusement park by picking the padlock. They hang out on the swings while Neal tries to explain his childhood. He tells her he can't go back home.

No kidding.

He says home used to be fun before his dad got...um bad. “That's how you know it's your home,” he tells her. “When you leave it you miss it.”

Back in the past, Emma ends up in a cell next to the young woman from the village she'd tried to save. She breaks the news to Emma that they'll both be executed tomorrow.

Snow White walks through the forest and gets caught in Prince Charming's trap. “I'll always find you,” he says. They do the same banter as before. But she tells him she doesn't have the ring.
Hook arrives and tells Charming that he knows the girl who has the ring, but she's a prisoner of the Evil Queen.

Snow White knows that castle like the back of her hand 'cause, well she grew up there. They make a deal; she sneaks them into the castle and they promise her freedom.

As Snow White and Charming travel, she tells him about her history with the Evil Queen. Then she shows him her pixie dust that will help her squash the Evil Queen.

She goes on by herself when they get close enough and asks the men to stay behind and wait for a signal. Hook and Charming bond over a campfire. The dudes talk about love. Charming wants to marry for love, but he knows that's impossible with Catherine. Hook tries to impress Charming with his love for Emma. Out of the darkness Red shows up and tells them she's a friend of Snow White's.

Emma and the young woman talk about how horrible it is to miss your family. Emma looks at her ring and knows her mother would tell her not to give up hope. She sees the spoon on the floor, fashions a key, and picks the lock to her cell.

Red becomes a wolf and helps Hook and Charming slip in through the dungeon tunnels. They meet Emma and the young woman. Emma hands over the ring and they rush to meet Snow White. Hook worries that the girl Emma saved might mess up the future.

Hmm...probably not. *Rolls eyes*

Snow White has other plans. She sneaks into the Evil Queen's bedroom with a handful of dark pixie magic. The Evil Queen takes it away from her easily. Then they banter about Daniel and how his death is Snow White's fault.

Emma, Hook and the others see Snow White is about to be executed in the courtyard. The Evil Queen throws a fireball and Snow White goes up in flames.

What? Why doesn't Charming race out with his sword? Why doesn't Emma use her convenient magic that happens out of nowhere? Why doesn't Red turn into a wolf?

Anyway, they all stand there and watch.

Later, around another campfire, Hook tries to soothe Emma by reminiscing about his brother's death. Then Emma makes the startling discovery that she's still alive. So that means Mary Margaret must still be alive too!

Hook tries to come up with a plan, but a bug is driving him crazy. He's about to squash it when Charming runs out of the darkness telling him to stop. He reminds them that Snow White was carrying the pixie dust that could change any enemy into something that can be easily squashed...like a bug!

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The Blue Fairy arrives with her magical cleavage. She says, “Dark magic did this to her. Light magic can undo it.” And poof! Mary Margaret is back.

That's new. I was sure black magic could only be undone by black magic. Okay, whatever.

Emma is so excited! She hugs Snow White who looks super confused. Then Snow White goes to Red and they have a fabulous reunion that Emma is jealous of.

Oh, hold on. Home is what you miss. Emma misses her mom. Her mom is her home. Ten points for me!

It's the next day. The sun is up and there are still time warp problems. Hook reminds Emma that the young girl with them was supposed to die. The only way to keep the future safe is to take her with them back to Storybrooke.

Um...what?

She isn't buying their story and only wants to get back to her family. Emma knocks her out.

Oops.

Charming informs them that Snow White pick pocketed his ring and he races off into the forest for her.

Emma and Hook follow, knowing that the Troll bridge is where Snow White used the pixie dust the first time, but since she already used it on herself, she's defenceless.

Time travel is hard on the head.

Snow White and Charming are taken by the Trolls. She's able to escape—just like last time. She turns around and sees Charming is about to get killed—just like last time. She shows up and threatens the trolls with pixie dust, but instead of last time, she's bluffing. But they buy it because they're trolls and they run away.

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Emma and Hook watch from behind the trees (these two should have poison ivy by now) and watch as Snow White and Prince Charming start to fall in love—just like last time. In fact it's the same footage they used from Season One because Snow White is pre-pregnancy face.

Emma gets the story book and sees all the pages fill back in.

The Evil Queen finds out Snow White is still alive and is super mad.

Emma and Hook arrive at Rumpelstiltskin's castle...oh yeah and the girl they knocked out too. He tells them the spell to open another time portal can only be cast by someone who's gone through the portal. He throws them his amazing powerful wand that do any kind of magic and says they're out of luck unless one of them can wield magic.

Only when it's convenient, Rumpelstiltskin. Only when it's convenient.

He, on the other hand, has made himself a potion to help him forget all this nonsense. And he sends them to a place where they'll be safe and he'll never have to see them again.

Emma, Hook, and the unconscious girl whose identity will be the cliffhanger for this season, apparate to a large castle room full of curious objects. Hook plays with an urn and Emma freaks out because this is the place Rumpelstiltskin puts power stuff. Then they argue about her denying her magical heritage.

She says she never felt like she had a home and was always running. Then she finally admits that watching Snow White hug Red made her realize that her mother is her home. “Henry wasn't bringing me to Storybrook to break a curse, he was bringing me home.”

Hook is all smiley. The super amazing wand is glowing.

Emma makes the vortex with her convenient magic. Hook picks up the young woman and jumps through. Emma is about to go too but Rumpelstiltskin arrives and holds her back. She tells him he finds his son and that he forgives him. There's some back and forth and says he died saving everyone—he was a hero.

Rumpelstiltskin lets her go. Then he drinks the potion and instantly forgets.



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Back at the barn, Emma and Hook brush off the dust. She races to Granny's pub/diner/laudromat and it's hugs all around. David calls everyone to attention and is ready to announce the baby's name...Neal.


Aw, shucks. Emma's little brother is named after her former lover.

She finds Hook outside at a table for two...under the twinkling lights...all alone. She questions him about how he managed to get a magic bean to cross over into her world and find her in New York. He told her traded the Jolly Roger.

“You traded your ship for me?” She inches closer. And then they kiss.

In the forest, Belle and Mr. Gold are married by Dr. Hopper.

Yeah, I thought it was weird too. What about the chick in the barn? Isn't anyone watching over her?

Mr. Gold and Belle talk about love. She says, “Sometimes the best book has the dustiest jacket.”

Robina and the little tyke walk to Granny's all smiles. The young woman from the village is awake and having coffee. Emma explains that Regina is no longer the Evil Queen.

But before they can be introduced Robin Hood stands up and calls out her name. “Marion! I thought you were dead!” Robin's son hug her and says, “Momma”

Oops.

Regina turns to Emma with a massive lemon face. “You're just like your mother. You never think of the consequences.”

Here we go again.

The urn that Hook picked up in the mysterious cavern is stuck in the dirt in the barn. A blue fluid seeps out and swirls around the design. Slowly, a form takes shape. It's a woman with blond hair. She flicks her hand and freezes the ground.

Dear God. No. Seriously? That movie was so horrible. The hype was ridiculous.

Blah. Terrible ending.

What do you think of the cliffhanger this year?

Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 19 “A Curious Thing”

Or better title “Mulan's Revenge!”

 

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Snow White and Charming decide to announce to the kingdom that they're pregnant. The Evil Queen says they're loopy. Belle arrives and breaks the news that Neal is dead and Rumpelstiltskin is alive, but they're sharing the same body...or something like that.

Plus, the wicked witch has the dagger to control the Dark One.

Prince Phillip and Aura finally get a few lines. They drop the bombshell that the wicked witch is after Snow White's baby. They didn't say anything at first because she promised to destroy them if they spilled the beans.

And since they just spilled the beans...the wicked witch arrives and turns Aura and Phillip in to flying monkeys.

How does Mulan feel about this?

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Eight months later Snow White and Charming sit around the council table still trying to come up with ideas for defeating the wicked witch. The Evil Queen wonders if Rumpelstiltskin can help them.

It took eight months for them to figure this out?

Charming suggests they break into his castle, but Regina says that's impossible because his magic is so strong. Robin Hood brags he broke in last season to steal a bow and arrow.

Robina (Regina and Robin Hood) make out in the hallway of the bed and breakfast. She promises him that once she gets her heart back it will be AH-SOME. He says, “Use my heart for the both of us.”

To do what?

Regina arrives flushed to a meeting with Mary Margaret, Emma and David. They discuss why Zalena brought them all back to Storybrooke. They ask things like:

To cast the spell you have to give up the thing you love the most.

We must already know how to defeat her, that's why they have no memories.
         
Since Emma broke the curse by believing in magic and kissing Henry, but she's done both of  those things already.  

Henry must be the one to save them all. He has to believe in magic and kiss someone...okay maybe just believe. We need the storybook!!!

Zalena has Hook duck tapped in the truck of a car. She demands he kiss Emma. If he doesn't get busy and take away her magic by the time Mary Margaret has her baby, she'll kill Henry.

This would never happen to Hook if he had a unicorn. Just sayin...

Robin Hood easily breaks into Rumpelstiltskin's castle. He and the Evil Queen squabble like all good would-be lovers do at the beginning of their love story.

They find Rumpelstiltskin inside a cage spinning gold and babbling. Remember, he has Neal inside his head as well.

Snow White asks him how to stop the wicked witch but he only answers with a rhyme.

Belle uses her Australian accent and the power of love to reach through his layers of glitter gold makeup. He tells her the answer is light. “Find the good witch of the south.”

Of course. And I bet she'll be riding a unicorn.

Mary Margaret tells the others that the 'Once Upon A Time' book appeared in her closet when Henry needed it the most. Maybe it's still there?

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While Emma is running all over Storybrooke, Henry is fed up with all the lying. He's so upset his voice cracks. He takes her keys and hustles up to their room which above Granny's pub/diner/laundromat...oh my gosh, it's ALSO a bed and breakfast.

Henry takes her car keys, but before he can leave Storybrooke, Hook arrives with a better idea.

Emma, David and Mary Margaret search the apartment. Ta da! She finds the book! Regina grabs it, determined to figure out whose heart Zalena crushed to cast the curse.

Snow White and the gang hustle to the dark forest to find the white witch. They find a door that leads to nowhere.

Hmm? It's probably nothing.

Snow White and Charming enter easily and end up in a snow covered forest...Narnia?

Uh-oh. I remember the white witch being mean in this story.

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The white witch says her name is Belinda. She tells them Snow White's baby is pure of heart and also has the gift of magic.

She ALSO tells them she was childhood friends with Zalena.

Pay attention, folks. Rules get thrown out faster than last week's leftovers.

Zalena was born with powerful magic. She has a pendant that keeps all her magic focused. If she loses the pendant, well...you can guess the rest.

Also, only someone who is pure of heart and a purveyor of white magic (magic made from love) can defeat Zalena.

Did you get that? Good because there will be a test at the end of the post.

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Charming and Snow White realize that Emma is the only one who can defeat Zalena. But, oh no! She's in Storybrooke. They must enact the dark curse that will bring them back to her world.

Charming offers his heart so Snow White can cast the spell. The Evil Queen is like, “You guys are cray, cray.”

Emma realizes Henry is missing. Hook has taken him to the dock and is arranging for Bill Smead to take him to new York. Before you can say, “Ahoy,” a gang of flying monkeys arrive. Hook fends off the attack while Henry runs away screaming.

Henry, of course, falls. Emma and her posse arrive and throw balls of fire, vaporizing the monkeys. Emma shows Henry the 'Once Upon A Time' book and asks him to believe.

I think the flying monkeys helped.

Everyone holds their breath.

Henry takes the book and experiences three seasons of episodes in two seconds. He remembers and everyone cries. “Hurry”, Regina says. “Break the curse!”

Zalena arrives and magics Henry into a choke hold. She sneers and says that Hook is to blame for Henry's death.

Regina rushes to Henry's rescue, but Zalena easily sends her flying back, smashing into the ground.

Henry starts to turn blue. Emma uses her super power — no not the 'I can tell when someone is lying' super power — just regular magic this time.

Zalena's hands are burned! She backs off and threatens that the next time no one will survive...or something like that.

Henry falls on his knees beside Regina's crumpled form. She's not moving.

Snow White, Charming and the Evil Queen stand around a bubbling cauldron. Snow White says she can't crush his heart. He says, “No worries, we share the same heart. Every time you look at our little baby, you'll see my love for you.”

This is followed by more tearful love pledges. He tells the Evil Queen he's ready.

“This is going to hurt,” she says. Then she thrusts her hand into his chest. Snow White takes it and crushes it over the cauldron.

Charming falls to the ground, dead.

The wicked witch arrives and adds a forgetting clause to the spell. She tells Snow White and the Evil Queen, “You'll never defeat me if you can't remember who I am.”

Regina wakens and sees Henry is all right. She kisses him and says she'll always love him.

Ta-da! The curse is broken.

Mary Margaret and David let Emma know they are the ones who cast the curse so they could return and have her defeat Zalena with her pure magic powers and stuff.

“Whoa,” she says. “If you had to sacrifice the thing you love the most, why are you both still alive?”

The answer? Unicorn!

Back at the cauldron, Snow White tells the Evil Queen that she has to split her heart in half and then put the second part in Charming's chest. “I love him enough to fill both of our hearts!”

Aw. *rolls eyes*

The Evil Queen performs the Enchanted Forest's first heart division and transplant.

Charming wakes up. There's more kissing and love pledging.

Thunder cracks and the curse takes them back to Storybrooke.

Henry and Regina reminisce. He tells her all about New York. And he's pleased she's not evil anymore. Robin Hood shows up and Henry is stoked he has all these cool relatives.

Emma demands to know what Hook was up to. He says, “Zalena put a cast my lips.”

I should really do a top ten list of most ridiculous lines from this series...

Mary Margaret and David tell him that the message with the memory potion wasn't sent by them. Hook gets all defensive. “Then who did?" he asks. "Who else knew where Emma was living?”

Um...duh. Zalena.

Rumpelstiltskin watches as the wicked witch mixes a memory potion so that she'll remember when they go to Storybrooke. She gives it to Rumpelstiltskin. He's ready to guzzle the bottle to forget Neal is dead. Then Neal breaks out of Rumpelstiltskin's body. He scrawls a message, ties it to the bottle and sends it off with a pigeon to the Jolly Roger.

Loose plot hole tidied up.

A flying unicorn would have been more impressive than a pigeon.

Henry puts a rose on Neal's grave. He cries and asks Emma if it was hard to come back to Storybrooke. She tells him she knew he'd want her to because heroes never give up...or something like that. He smiles and says Operation Cobra is back on.

And just when you think things are wrapping up, Mary Margaret goes into labour.

Quiz time!

Who was Zalena's childhood friend?

Where is all of Zalena's magic kept?

What kind of magic can defeat Zalena?

How does one become true of heart?

Why are there no unicorns in this show?

WHEN IS THE SHERIFF COMING BACK????


Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.

Once Upon A Time Season 3, Episode 16 “It's Not Easy Being Green”

 

Or better title “Ridiculous Reasons for Rivalry”

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Peasants on their way to the Emerald City find a baby after a terrible storm. But the little baby shows signs of having super powers, ie: she stops a tree from falling on them. The woman is so taken with the baby's cuteness she thinks nothing of her magical ability. However, the father is suspicious. He says, “She's not like us.”
 

Dude, she dropped out of a cyclone, unharmed.

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Storybrooke buries Neal. Everyone takes a turn putting a shovel of dirt on top of the coffin. There's no dialogue for the first three minutes.

*cough* lazy writers *cough*

A young Zalena is shaving her father. She cuts him by mistake, but magics it all better speedy quick. Instead of being grateful for the free health care he admits he's always been afraid of her power and calls her wicked. Then he drops the bombshell that she was adopted.

She begins to cry and wishes her mother was still alive.

He tells her to dry her tears and put on a good face—this guy is all about appearances.

But Zalena's had enough. She storms out of their humble hut determined to find a family who loves her. The one and only person who can help her is—the Wizard of OZ.
 

Emma grieves for Neal by fanning the fire of revenge.

Yeah, because that works out so well for everyone in this show.

Hook convinces her to cool off and he offers to take Henry sailing so he can tell him about Neal. Remember Neal spent a lot of time on Hook's ship after he escaped from Peter Pan's freaky shadow thing.

Regina and Tinkerbell hang out at Granny's pub/diner/laundromat gossiping about Robin Hood. Regina knows he's her soul mate but she's reluctant to start anything with him.

Why? Doesn't matter. The writers know it creates tension.

Zalena arrives with flourish at Granny's in full witchy garb and gives a fabulous speech. She lets everyone, including Regina, know that they're actually sisters.

Regina calls her bluff since she's a murderous witch and all that. Zalena tells her it's time she learns the truth. They'll meet on Main Street at sundown for a big showdown.

Regina says she never loses. “Oh yeah,” Zalena says, “well neither do I.”

There better be some big fireworks at this showdown because nothing has really happened yet.

David, Emma, and Mary Margaret grill Regina about Zalena, but she's just as surprised as them.

A young Zalena arrives at the castle of the Great and Power Wizard of Oz. His silhouette appears behind a curtain. He knows that she's come to find her true family. He warns her that the past may be difficult to accept.

Parental discretion is advised.

Zalena sees images of Cora abandoning her in the basket before the big storm. Why is she being abandoned?

The Wizard says it's because Cora believed she didn't have the ability to become royalty.

What? And sorry, but what? I'm sure there's more to it than that...there must be.

While I'm trying to recover from that lame excuse, Zalena watches as Regina is being taught magic by Rumpelstiltskin. Zalena grows eager to meet this man who isn't afraid of magic. The wizard gives her golden shoes that have to power to transport her to different realms. For payment, she must return with something of Rumpelstiltskin's.

He warns her again, “It is not wise to become envious of things you cannot have.”

Um, yeah. That's what envy is all about, right? I mean if you could have it, then you'd have it and you wouldn't be envious anymore. Oh, never mind.

Zalena clicks her heals and ends up in Regina's bedroom. She sees all the luxurious items and becomes furious with...you guessed it, envy. Rumpelstiltskin arrives and is surprised to see someone else in Regina's bedroom. He's upset at first, then she proves she's Cora's first born by doing some fancy magic. He's impressed and promises to teach her all that he knows.

Regina searches her secret vault under the crypt and finds a letter. She tucks it in her pocket and ignores Mary Margaret and Emma's questioning looks as she storms out.

Emma says, “What the hell was in that letter?”

Gee, I don't know. Why don't you tackle her and read it?

David locks down Main Street since there's going to be a witch rumble. Emma decides that they have to get back the dagger. Belle offers to try and reach Mr. Gold through the power of LOVE.
 

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Regina reads the letter in the forest and Robin Hood creeps out of the bushes. He pickpockets the letter from her and after a few flirty exchanges she lets him reads it.

It's a letter to Cora from Rumpelstiltskin about how her first born is a more powerful than her. All this time Regina thought the letter was about her...but it's about Zalena.

Rumpelstiltskin takes a young Zalena into the woods for a test. She lets out a jealous rant about being abandoned and Regina having everything and never having to work for it and blah, blah...
 

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Rumpelstiltskin's eyes twinkle at her greedily. He tells her he's been working on a very powerful curse but he needs a skilled witch to cast it.

After Zalena's past the anger test he asks her to think of something happy.

She's stuck so she asks him about his happy moment. I thought he was going to talk about Baelfire, instead he says it's the memory of tasting meat pies from the spinsters who took him in as a boy.

He says, “It was the only time I forgot I was a boy who wasn't wanted by his papa.”

Zalena feels a kindred connection with this glittery, speckled goblin. She tells him her happy moment is when he agreed to train her.

Aw. *barfs in mouth*

Belle rushes to Mr. Gold's cage. He tells her to run because as long as Zalena holds the dagger he is helpless to resist her orders. Belle gets him to hold her hand. Then Zalena comes out of the shadows cackling. Belle takes off with Mr. Gold screaming a warning, “The next time anyone tries to stop Zalena I'll be made to kill you all.”

And to all a goodnight!

Henry grows bored listening to Hook talk about how to navigate by using the stars...as do I. Hook is terrible at telling stories, he lets the name Baelfire slip out a few times. And Henry figures out that Hook wasn't a boyhood chum of Neal's.

Hook get misty eyed and tells Henry he knew Neal after he'd just lost his father. It was sailing and navigating that brought him comfort. Henry is touched that his dad had the same fate as him...or something like that. The soft music was playing so I assumed it was a tender moment.

A young Zalena makes a meat pie dinner for Rumpelstiltskin. She's upset to find out that he's still training Regina. She tells him that she deserves the curse since she's the better witch.

Your insides are starting to show, he warns her. All of her envy begins to leak through, turning her skin green.

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Zalena arrives to a crowded Main street with Mr. Gold. She announces that if Regina doesn't show up in five minutes everyone will die.

Everyone will die. How many times have we heard this threat? So far only one person has died. Liar!

Here's an obvious question: Why did everyone show up unarmed for the witch rumble? And where is Ruby? A werewolf would be helpful right about now.

Emma challenges Zalena. She has magic powers, plus she's the saviour—so there! Zalena pushes her away easily.

*chuckles*

A young Zalena arrives at Regina's bedroom and holds a knife to her throat. She's says she's more powerful and is the one Rumpelstiltskin will pick to place the curse. Still, she kills Regina just to improve her chances. But surprise! It's Rumpelstiltskin pretending to be Regina.

He tells Zalena this is the end of her witchy career. In order for the curse to work, she has to give up what she wants most. And Rumpelstiltskin knows it's him. She pleads with him but he still turns her down. Then she shows him the golden shoes that can take him to see the Wizard. He changes his mind, but it's too late for takesies backsies.

She clicks her golden heels and heads back to Oz.

Meanwhile, back in Main Street, Zalena beats up Regina. She says she doesn't want to kill her, only destroy her. And that means taking her heart.

But guess what?

Regina has buried her heart. Cora always told her, “Never take your heart to a witch fight.”

And wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.

Outraged, Zalena takes off on her broomstick promising revenge.

And that was the big showdown. A few broken windows. No one died.

Mary Margaret gives us the ending monologue, "Zalena has Charming's sword of courage, she wanted Regina's heart..."

Hmm who's brain will she use? Oh, right, Mr. Gold's.

Regina knows she's collecting ingredients...but for what?

Skin brightening cream?

 

Okay, this whole plot is ridiculous. The inciting incident is Cora giving Zalena away. Why? Because Zalena couldn't give her what she wanted the most—for her daughter to grow up worthy enough for a prince. How can you tell this from a baby? Wouldn't it have made sense to just have Cora an unwed mother?

Plus, remember Cora was married to a Prince when she gave birth to Regina. So the whole plot to get Regina to marry Snow White's father was bogus ridiculous as well.

Just sayin'...


What do you think Zalena is going to do with courage, a heart, and a brain?


Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.

 

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 15 "Quiet Minds"

 Or better title, “Someone Dies"

 

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Emma and the others try to figure out how Mr. Gold is still alive. Hook mentions how he overheard Neal talking about trying to bring back his father when he and Belle were headed toward the Queen's castle.

Zalena stands at the edge of Storybrooke and uses the dagger to summon Rumpelstiltskin. But guess what? Mr. Gold has broken free of the hold the dagger has on him and is running amok in the forest.

I thought that was impossible.

Emma and Hook arrive to tell Belle that Mr. Gold is alive. She vows to search every inch of his shop for any kind of clue. Hook stays with her in case the witch shows up.

One year ago, Belle and Neal go through Rumpelstiltskin's castle to figure out how to bring him back. Belle says she loves all of him, even the dark parts. When the enter the library, a candelabra comes to life calling himself Lumiere.

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How original, ABC.

Neal storms through the door at Mr. Gold's shop and collapses to the floor.

Emma brings Henry a bagel and hot chocolate. She arranges a play date for him with Grumpy. Henry tells her he knows she's lying and something is up. He begs her to tell him the truth. Emma asks him to trust her and that she will tell him everything...but not right now.

Emma visits Neal in the hospital, but he's just as clueless as everyone else. He doesn't remember anything that happened in the last year. His palm has a triangular scar that looks like the 'Deathly Hollows'.

Ten points for a Harry Potter reference!

Emma tells Neal that Henry doesn't have any memory of his old life. Neal is upset that Henry thinks he's basically a deadbeat parent instead of the grandson of Peter Pan.

Belle finds it interesting that she's never seen Lumiere before. He said he was cursed by Rumpelstiltskin and hidden away for years. He can only come to life when his candles are lit. Belle explains that she and Neal are trying to bring Rumpelstiltskin back to life because he's warm and cuddly now.

Lumiere says he'll help since Rumpelstiltskin is the only one who can restore him to his human form. Lumiere reveals a magical book with a key inside. This key will unlock the vault of The Dark One. The end has a symbol of a triangle.

After Neal and Belle blow the candles out and leave the room 3W shows up and it's clear he's a small part of her diabolic plan.
 

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Zalena arrives at Mary Margaret's apartment with orange juice. Mary Margaret is upset because she wants to be hunting down the wicked witch instead of hanging out doing nothing. Zalena touches Mary Margaret's belly and says she's not having this baby without her.

Raise your hand if you think Mary Margaret's baby will have bat wings and a monkey tail.

Regina goes to the farm house to find 3W. Instead, she finds Robin Hood. They decide to track 3W together. There's a spark and they wonder if they met during that year no one can remember.

Hook and Neal discuss the pros and cons of using dark magic to bring back the Dark One. Neal is determined to leave the hospital. Then things get weird when Hook hugs him. Hook had a thing with Neals' mom, remember? And then he sort of helped raise him after he landed in Neverland. And now they're trying to date the same girl.

Awkward.

Belle and Neal walk through the enchanted forest talking about how Mr. Gold ended up sacrificing his own life to save the whole town. They come across a frozen lake and Lumiere tells them the vault is under the ice.
 

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Emma and David also walk through the woods discussing what's best for Henry; should they tell him the truth or let him return to New York and be blissfully unaware? They hear a scream and run to find Mr. Gold having a break down. He says his head is filled with voices. Then flying monkeys show up to complicate matters. Mr. Gold escapes while Emma and David are busy fighting the monkeys.

Regina goes through the pantry looking for traces of magic. Robin Hood mentions how Regina doesn't seem so evil to him. Regina said she used people's fear as a tool, and she earned the name of the Evil Queen. There's a spark between them. He figures they should have a drink of whiskey.

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When he hands her a glass, his sleeve rises to reveal his tattoo.

Kablammo!

She has a flashback to her time with Tinkerbell and the true love episode. She freaks out and splits.

Thank you. Takes a bow.

Emma finds Neal in the woods and she tells him his dad is running around crazy.

Lumiere gives Belle and Neal directions to the vault. They're about to use the key when Belle figures out Lumiere is lying. He spills the beans and says 3W forced him to trick them. Neal doesn't care, he only wants to get his father back. Belle warns him that using magic without considering the cost is the same mistake his father made.

He turns the key and it burns his hand, leaving the triangular scar. The ice melts and a form rises from a inky pool.

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Emma tells Neal that she and Henry had a great life this past year. Neal pries if they were happy. Emma tells him about her demon boyfriend. They laugh and this is followed by a moment when they just stare at each other.

Belle calls Emma and says the scar on Neal's hand is pictured in a book she found in Mr. Gold's shop. It's a key used to open the vault of the Dark One. But here's the catch, if you take someone from the vault, you have to replace it with another life. Neal collapses in front of Emma.

Rumpelstiltskin comes out of the vault holding his dagger. He runs to Neal and Belle. It soon dawns on them that Neal is going to die as payment.

3W arrives and gleefully watches the scene. Rumpelstiltskin tries to use his dagger to magic Neal better, but she tells him he can't have Neal and the dagger. He ends up absorbing Neal's body and the dagger flies to 3W.

She picks it up and says, “You got your son, but you lost yourself.” Rumpelstiltskin begins his crazy talk. She then orders him to kill Belle.

Lumiere has had enough. He does a fire curse thingy and binds 3W allowing Belle to escape.

Emma realizes that Neal and Rumpelstiltskin are the sharing the same body. She does her magic—no not the lie detector thing, the convenient magic thing.

Neal begs Emma to 'magic' his father out of his body even though he knows it will kill him. It's the only way they'll know who the real witch is. Mr. Gold appears and Neal collapses.

As he dies the music gets intense. Neal tells Emma it's okay that Henry doesn't know who he is and he thanks his father for showing him what sacrificing yourself for true love is all about.

Emma and David rush to tell Mary Margaret she's hired the wicked witch to help deliver her baby.

Zalena arrives and taunts Mr. Gold over Neal's corpse. Mr. Gold says it's only a matter of time before Emma and the others come for her. She says she doesn't care because she has him under her control and that's all the power she needs.

Mary Margaret and David go to tell Belle that Neal is dead and Mr. Gold is a slave to Zalena.

Emma goes to see Henry. She sits him down and tells him that she was on a job to help his father, but instead of being the dude who sent her to jail he was actually a hero. She then says he's dead and the person who hurt him got away. Henry nods like this is completely normal. He asks what they're going to do now.

Emma gives the horizon a steely eyed glare and says she's going to stay and get the person who killed his father.

Whoo-hoo! Wild west gunfight here we come!

Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.
 

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 9, “Save Henry”

Or better title, "Babies Are Hard Work"

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The Evil Queen rejoices in the black spell's success. But Rumpelstiltskin reminds her Snow White's baby will break the curse one day. She rebuffs his comment saying she has everything she's ever wanted. Rumpelstiltskin warns there's a hole in her heart that will need to be filled.

Emma and the others try to revive Henry while Peter Pan goads over the fact he has Henry's heart—and it's awesome power. He also tells them Mr. Gold is now inside Pandora's box.

Regina confesses to Dr. Hopper that being the Mayor isn't as fun as it used to be. She feels empty and lonely. He tells her she needs someone special in her life to love.

Yes, that's the answer. A baby. What is this? 1950?

She goes to Mr. Gold hoping to get through the red tape of the adoption process. He's not surprised at all, but he questions her ability to put the child first.

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Back on Skull Island, Regina performs a preservation spell on Henry to keep him alive. Emma is upset because she doesn't know any spells and therefore feels useless. Regina cries because unlike Emma, she doesn't have parents, or two guys vying for her. All she has is Henry.

Regina vows to kill Peter Pan. That's the only way they can save Henry.

The logic of this conversation is mind blowing.

Everyone storms the Lost Boys' camp, but they're all tight lipped about Peter Pan's special hiding place. Regina is ready to force them to talk through torture. Emma presents a cooler plan and offers the boys something they really need and want...a mother.

Regina is tickled when Mr. Gold tells her there is a baby ready to be adopted. She travels to Boston to have an interview.

Um...how can she leave Storybrooke?

She sits in an office across the desk from the lawyer. After a friendly chat about the weather, a nurse brings a baby. She names him after her father, Henry.

Remember him? She ripped out his heart so she could create her grand curse of revenge. A revenge against Snow White for telling Cora about Daniel the stable boy—the same stable boy Cora murdered so Regina could be Queen. Sorry, don't go back too far, you'll get a headache.

Emma tries to convince the Lost Boys that Peter Pan doesn't care about them and offers them a home back in Storybrooke. Only the oldest Lost Boy remains faithful, the other quickly tell Emma about the Thinking Tree, Peter Pan's special hiding place.

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Regina struggles with a fussy baby Henry. She's so concerned, she takes him to Doctor Whale where they both discuss the reason Henry is crying so much. He thinks they'll need the biological parents medical records. The baby cries unattended on a stretcher while they walk away arguing.

Regina gets Sydney Glass on the phone and demands he find out Henry's birth mother because obviously that's the only thing to keep him from crying.

Lame.

David and Neal take Henry's body to the Jolly Roger where Hook “Captain Sexy Eyes” is offering all Neverland creatures big and small a trip off the island.

Emma, Mary Margaret, and Regina head toward the Thinking Tree.

Regina finally figures out how to hold a baby and Henry stops crying. Sydney faxes over the information about Emma. Regina marches over to Mr. Gold's upset she managed to adopt the curse-breaker's son.

She realizes Mr. Gold has manipulated the situation from the very start. She vows to send Henry back to Boston the next day. She can't risk having Emma show up in Storybrooke.

Mary Margaret trips or something stupid and manages to trap all three of them to the Thinking Tree. As vines tighten around their chests, Peter Pan struts out of the jungle and says the only way they'll be reunited with Henry is in death.

Regina returns Henry to the adoption agency. The lawyer tells her there's already another family lined up to take him. But when it comes time to say good-bye, Henry flashes Regina a smile and she promises to never let go of him again.

The other family leave upset. It's John and Michael Darling. They've been on orders from Peter Pan to get Henry too!

Back at the Thinking Tree, Peter Pan tells them his true identity as Rumpelstiltskin's father. Regina calls him a fake. He lets them know the tree attacks anyone who has regret.

Emma she's full of regret because of all the the times she's let Henry down, and Mary Margaret is the same. But Regina has the most regret of all.

Regina lifts an eyebrow and tells Peter Pan she's killed and tortured thousands, so she should be full of regret, but she's not because she'd do anything for her son. She breaks the vines and punches her fist through Peter Pan's chest. He collapses to the ground.

Emma and Mary Margaret stare with open mouths—helpful as always. With Henry's enchanted heart in her hand, Regina leans over and picks up Pandora's Box. “Now,” she says to the two dimwits, “let's go save Henry.”

On the Jolly Roger, Henry quickly revives after Regina does the heart transplant.

Regina talks with Dr. Hopper about her fear that Henry's birth mother will come looking for him one day. He tells her not to worry about the future and enjoy the present and the love she now feels as a mother.

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Regina visits her father's crypt and starts story time with little Henry. She mixes a spell that will help her forget all her troubles, worries, and fears. She needs to put Henry first. She takes the potion, knowing it will erase her memory of being the Evil Queen.

Won't she find it weird to be in a basement surrounded by flasks?

Regina tucks Henry in and does a healing spell—just to make sure no one can ever take his heart again.

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He says, “Thanks, Mom.”

Yeah, thanks.

She leaves and Peter Pan pops up from behind the bed with a dagger!

Top side, Neal opens Pandora's Box, releasing Mr. Gold. There's a nice father and son hugging moment. Neal lets him know he's nothing like Peter Pan because he came looking for him. Neal finally forgives Mr. Gold for abandoning him.

Emma and Mary Margaret get misty eyed because now that Mr. Gold is out of the box, he can work on David's potion and they can stay together as a family. Mr. Gold suddenly gets a chill.

Peter Pan receives a shock when he tries to rip out Henry's heart. Mr. Gold arrives and opens Pandora's Box. It starts to pull at Peter Pan and his shadow. He and Henry do a weird eye switcher-roo moment. Peter Pan screams out as he's finally sucked into the box.

Regina destroys Peter Pan's shadow, releasing the Jolly Roger. The pirate ship takes off into the sky, headed for Storybrooke.

Wendy and Tinker Bell have a heart to heart. Wendy gives her a vial of fairy dust but Tink is sad because she has no wings, and therefore has no magic.

Henry arrives on deck and Neal lets him know he'll be a super fantastic dad for as long as he wants. Tinker Bell and Regina make up. The fairy dust in the vial begins to glow.

The oldest Lost Boy, whose name I can never remember, is still upset he's being taken away from Neverland. Henry brings him food and begins to chat. It's not long before the boy figures out Peter Pan is in Henry's body.

Henry's last words are, “Let's play.”