Once Upon A Time Season 4, Episode 21 "Mother"

Or better title "Holy Mother of God, It's a Dragon!"

We know we're in for a dark episode when the Evil Queen breaks up a wedding by killing the groom. Apparently the peasants were about to tie the knot close to her ex-boyfriends grave. And since it was the anniversary of Daniel's death, she was a entitled to stomp on everyone's happiness.

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While she's weeping for her lost love, Cora strolls out from behind a tree.

Hey, girl. Aren't you supposed to be in Wonderland beheading hot dudes?

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Cora is all about getting Regina a man...a new man, one with a real job. It seems that Cora 'bumped' into Tinkerbell and she revealed that a tattooed man is Regina's true love.

Barbara Hershey should win an award for pulling off that line with a straight face.

Meanwhile in Manhattan, Robin and Regina discuss what their plan is now that Zelena is pregnant. He wastes no time saying he's ready to dump Zelena and start having special naked hugs with Regina again...you know, since his wife really is dead and everyone hates Zelena anyway.

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Regina gives him a lemon face and is like, "Dude, you're too complicated to be with. Mmm-bye, bye."

Go Regina!

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Emma wastes no time getting Lily back to Storybrooke, but makes Maleficent wait to see her missing daughter while she hugs Hook in slow motion...for a long time. Mary Margaret and David stand by like the third and fourth wheels, but the only thing Emma gives them is a cold shoulder.

Harsh!

And then Maleficent and Lily finally see each other. And instantly Maleficent isn't evil anymore. Over breakfast at...you guessed it, Granny's, she says, "I don’t even care about getting revenge on the Charmings. Let’s sign up for mother daughter yoga classes.”

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But Lily has a different plan. "What the hell kind of mother are you? I came back to help you take down our enemies! Forgiveness? Later. I'm catching the last bus out of here."

In other news, Regina steals the Author from Mr. Gold, since he's barely alive and dying of a heart condition. She wastes no time in finding Lily hanging out at the bus stop.

Why is there a bus stop? No one can leave Storybrooke?

Whatever...after a bit of small talk, she pulls out a knife and cuts Lily's hand. She collects the blood for the Author's ink bottle. And now she has ULITIMATE POWER.

Regina and the Author pay a visit to Zelena in the secret psych ward in the basement of the hospital. It seems she's changed her mind about Robin and has come up with a new plan.

Zelena is like, "He can't unwrite me...can he?"

Silly girl! He's the Author! And if we've learned anything from this show it's that the writers can do whatever they want regardless of plot holes, illogical timelines...

On the other side of town, Maleficent begs the Charmings to help her convince Lily to stay in Storybrooke since they've been such successful parents to Emma.

Their brilliant solution is to drive around in the truck. But this turns out to be a good idea since they soon come across a dragon.

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Maleficent is super proud of her little dragon baby and is thrilled to be present for her first flight. Mary Margaret—for no reason other than to get injured and thereby force Emma to sympathize with her—rushes the dragon only to get knocked out.

Point for dragon!

And just as the writers hoped, Emma runs over and instantly heals her while forgiving her for throwing an innocent baby down a wormhole after filling it with pure evil.

Um...whatever. That storyline was getting old anyway.

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Maleficent finally gives Lily her baby rattle. Lily decides to stay in Storybrooke for a week to bond with Maleficent and maybe get some flying time in and totally forget those sappy Charmings.

So what happened to Cora? Oh right, back in Fairy Tale land Cora goes to a bar and picks the first guy that hits on her to become Regina's true love. After slapping on a fake lion tattoo she takes him to the castle for some sweet lovin' true love style.

Everything was going well until Regina realized the dude and his tattoo were fake, then she smashed stuff like the Hulk, scaring the fake dude. He confesses this was all a plan to get Regina pregnant.

Oh yeah, Mom? As a counter attack, Regina swallows an infertility potion in front of Cora ensuring the bloodline ends with Regina.

Cora was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought you'd be happy as a mother. It’s only the choices we make to punish others that deprive us of true happiness.
I guess I should have said that before, like maybe in front of Daniel's grave. Gosh, what rotten luck, darling."

Yikes.
Back at the psych cell, the Author is all ready to erase Zelena when Regina decides she is responsible for her own happiness and she doesn't need the Author to write her own happy ending, she'll make it herself.

*cough* Obvious theme *cough*

Miffed, the Author writes himself out of the room and back to Mr. Gold, who by this time is lying on the floor of his shop, counting his last breaths. With wheezy commands Mr. Gold tells the Author to start a whole new story called Heroes and Villains.

I have no idea what crazy crap is coming for he last episode but I sure hope there's a dragon fight.

Once Upon A Time, Season 4, Episode 19 "Sympathy for the De Vil"

Or better title, "Over the Edge"

I'm way behind on my OUAT recaps, however I'm no quitter and I intend to see this to its ridiculous conclusion.

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#1. After the death of her third step father, Cruella's evil mother and renowned Dalmatian trainer, locks her away in the attic and uses the growling dogs to keep her from running away.

#2. One day a man comes knocking on the door, looking for stories for the paper. But this is no ordinary reporter who knocks on strangers doors in the middle of the night...it's The Author.

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#3. Regina is ready to rescue Robin from Salena/Marion. She ensures Mr. Gold's silence by enchanting Belle's heart, threatening to crush it if he some much as sends an email to Manhattan.

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#4. Emma and Regina receive a video call from Henry, who had been newly kidnapped by Cruella. She asks for them to bring her the dead body of The Author or Henry will be killed.

#5. Mr. Gold hides The Author in his cabin, once again demanding a new happy ending. Then he figures out The Author and Cruella knew each other before.

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#6. The Author helps Cruella escape the attic and her mother's fierce dogs. He takes her out dancing to a local speakeasy. They dance, they laugh, and he tells her he has the power to help her escape her cruel mother. He admits his pen and ink are...wait for it...magical! And that he moves about each story realm. He gives her the power to control any animal as she desires. She promises to meet him after she faces her mother.

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#7. Emma is still sore at Mary Margaret and David for throwing that other baby (Lily) into another vortex. She goes with Regina and Hook into the forest to look for Henry. They soon find Cruella holding Henry at gunpoint on a cliff.

#8.While waiting at the hotel, The Author is confronted by Cruella's mother who tells him it was Cruella who had killed her fathers and that keeping her locked in the attic was for everyone's safety. He throws her out, but then discovers his magical ink and pen are missing.

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#9. Cruella controls the dogs now and has them kill her mother. Ew. When The Author arrives she's already skinned them and made herself a coat. She pulls a gun on him. He sees the pen and quickly writes, Cruella may not kill another living thing.

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#10. Mary Margaret and David find The Author, he tells them Henry is in no danger. They realize this is all part of Mr. Gold's diabolical plan to turn Emma's heart dark. They arrive in the forest just as Emma uses her magic to throw Cruella off the cliff. They fear Emma has begun to turn evil.

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Duh! The freak had her kid at gunpoint at the edge of a cliff!

Things I wonder about...

How can Regina leave Storybrooke?

How does The Author have the ability to travel between realms without: tentacles, a magic bean, a curse, a mermaid...

Cruella wanted revenge on The Author because he took away her ability to kill things? Really?

Once Upon A Time Season 4, Episode 18 "Heart of Gold"

Or Better title "My Head Hurts!"

Race For The Author

The Author escapes to the forest with Emma and her parents hot on his heels.

Mary Margaret and David tell Emma that The Author was once the peddler who tricked them and (through their line of ridiculous rationalization) caused Malificient to lose her baby.

Emma is like, "Um, no. You're the ones who poured pure evil into a baby's soul and then tossed it down a hell hole."

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The Author is soon found by Mr. Gold who tells him that a magic quill can only be made from enchanted trees—which he'll never find in Storybrooke.

"You're a big pain in the ass," The Author says.

*Clap*

"Whatever," Mr. Gold replies. "I've got a magic quill and you're going to write me a whole bunch of new endings."

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The Author agrees because being caught by Emma and her parents is more dangerous than going along with the Dark One.

What? Why do people keep doing whatever he asks?

Regina wakes up in magical handcuffs! Mr. Gold lets her know he's got The Author on his team. When Regina refuses to join, he asks her to call Robin and see how he and Marion are doing. When Regina calls...

Flashback #1

What have Robin Hood and Marion and their little son been up to? Well, like every magical character, they head to Manhattan. Apparently, Regina gave him the keys to Neal's apartment because I'm sure after a year of being vacant with no one paying rent, it's still available.

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Once they get settled, the newly banished Mr. Gold arrives. Unsure why they're squatting his late son's apartment. Mr. Gold tells them to bugger off, then he collapses to the floor.

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Robin visits Mr. Gold in the hospital where he's dying from a poisoned heart, or as we call it, myocardial infarct. Mr. Gold also tells him that even though they're in a non-magical world, they can use magical items if they're brought from a magical place. He needs a heart healing potion!

Um...no, no, NO! That's breaking the rules!

Marion had to leave Storybrooke because Regina's magic wasn't strong enough to break the frozen curse and the only way she could survive is if they went to a non-magical land.

My head hurts.

Did you know that Selena had a correspondent set up in an abandoned New York boutique to keep an eye on Henry and Emma?

Robin searches the dusty store and quickly locates a fancy green drawer. There's no lock. He finds a bottle shaped like a heart full of red liquid.

I guess that's it.

Marion is upset when Robin returns with a potion to save Mr. Gold. She says, "Why don't you just let him die."

Come on, Marion. Kill the Dark One? Why on earth would we want to get rid of the evil guy who everyone hates, yet all do his bidding for ridiculous reasons?

Robin brings the potion to Mr. Gold and makes him promise to let him have Neal's apartment. Mr. Gold agrees and takes a sip. But guess what? It's not the real elixir.

Marion arrives with the real bottle of elixir, touches her green pendant and reveals that she's actually Selena.

*Head explodes*

Quick explanation...

After Mr. Gold stabbed her in the jailhouse, Selena's soul went traveling back through the barn floor to the enchanted forest. She floated around until she saw that Emma was going to bring Marion back to Storybrooke. She entered Marion's body, killed her, and then used her pendant to cast a concealment charm.

How can she kill Marion if that's the body she's occupying?

My head hurts!

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Selena does a lot of close talking. She toys with Mr. Gold's respirator while telling him her diabolical plan to ensure The Author gives her a happy ending. In exchange, she'll give him the real elixir.

I have to say, Selena does a smashing awesome sneering monologue.   

Mr. Gold leaves the hospital and Robin is there with a box of Neal's belongings. Mr. Gold says it only brings him unhappiness as a reminder of how much he's lost. Then he tells Robin to follow his heart to find his own happiness.

*Cough* leave Marion *cough*

Flashback #2

Now we're back to when Marion and Robin own a pub. One of his Merry Men try to convince him to go back to his ways of stealing to defy the evil Sheriff of Nottingham.

Did someone say Sheriff?

Ah, good times...good times.

Anyway, the other Sheriff threatens to shut down the pub if they don't pay their taxes, he also acts like a scum bag to Marion. After closing, Rumplestiltskin shows up asking for Robin Hood's thieving expertise. In exchange for gold, he asks him to visit another realm to steal the elixir of the wounded heart.

As per previous episodes, you can only move between realms by...

#1. Magic Bean

#2. Mermaids

#3. Spells (but only certain spells at certain times)

#4. Ursula's tentacles

Robin enters the realm of OZ through a magical mirror.

*Adds magical mirror to list*

He sees Will and the two chit chat about potions that can mend broken hearts. And blah, blah, blah because I'm hardly invested in these two characters so just get on with it.

Dressed as a flying monkey guard, Robin easily sneaks into the wicked witch's castle and steals some elixir. Selena soon emerges and breaks into three witches to fool him. He shoots an arrow, causes vapors, then escapes.

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Back at the pub, the Sheriff of Nottingham returns to claim taxes, but the Merry Men prevent him and Robin gives the gold coins to the peasants. "My thieving can be put to good use," he tells Marion. "When you steal for yourself, that makes you a thief, but when you steal for someone else, that makes you a hero."

Sounds like something Mary Margaret and David would agree with.

Flash forward

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When Regina calls Robin's phone, Selena answers. "Hello, sis."

Regina says, "I don't understand."

Take a number, babe.

When Selena hangs up, Mr. Gold tells Regina that even though Selena killed his son, he's working with her now. Unless Regina helps him turn Emma's heart dark, Robin is a dead man.

Who will Regina chose to save, Robin or Emma?

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